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2. Scorekeeping. That tit-for-tat who-does-what exchange happens even before the baby, but it really escalates after having kids because there is so much to do. O’Neill says, remember the work is the enemy, not the couple.

The Fix: Make a list of everything that needs to be done on a daily basis, from paying the bills, to grocery shopping to getting the car serviced. Sit down, divide it up and conquer it, O’Neill says. “That takes the pressure off.” Also, she says, it’s very important to hand in your “martyr badge” and while you’re at it, say something nice. At the heart of scorekeeping, she says, there is a need for appreciation. “Give your partner some appreciation. Say thank you.”

3. The In-Laws and the Outlaws. Once you have kids, O’Neill says, everybody wants a piece of the kid action and the “fight of the grannies” turf battles start. “Becoming a parent is the final step into adulthood for some people who have had a more childlike relationship with their parents, she says. “Once you have the kids, you have to think, ‘Is that detrimental to my new family?’ Both sets of grandparents are competing to be Numero Uno in your child’s life. Be prepared for turf infringement, intervention tendencies and criticism. “Grandparents are enormously important,” she says. “Every child benefits from having another person in their lives. Let the grandparents in and give them the benefit of the doubt.”

The Fix: Establish a pecking order. Each spouse has to take care of his or her parents because it’s difficult to tell your in-laws you don’t want their help. If your parents are the offending parties, it’s your job to tell your parents to back off.

4. The Mommy Chip. The Mommy Chip is like a computer program that starts running and can’t turn the worries off. Like, is the baby eating enough? Is the baby hitting the developmental milestones? Is it time to get the child registered for preschool? Many women go haywire with concern and care for their babies -- cooking, cleaning and caring for the baby like a ferocious lioness. Meanwhile, the husband is looking at his wife thinking she’s lost it.

The Fix: Let go and let him do it his way. He will never be as neat or as organized, but he will get the job done if you let him. Let him have a Training Weekend where you take a time out and he gets to bond with the baby and realize just how much work it is to care for a tyke.

And, finally, recognize that the children are never the problem, O’Neill says. “Our kids are our greatest blessing and we need to recognize that becoming parents is a hugely rewarding experience.”