Life Coaches Central: Where Coaching Insiders Blog About Real Issues

When I was younger there always used to be the point in the night where I would get really slap-happy drunk (no, my parents weren't spiking my Kool-Aid!) and the slightest thing could set me off laughing. Jump ahead a half-hour or hour into the night, and if I was still up, the slightest thing could set me off crying. Then the next day, if I didn't get enough sleep I'd be grumpy and snappy -- definitely not my usual cute-kid self. Sure, I was young and childish then, and I've matured (?) since then, but my Mom who knew best then, and still does, as mothers often do, always says that I'm just not my "happy-camper" when I don't get enough sleep. Now it seems researchers are finally catching up to the wisdom of parents!

Despite so many advancements in the "working mother" arena, I still feel there's a bit of the mommy-wars going on. Stay at home moms and working moms continue to pour the guilt on each other for their choices.... I can't tell you how many times I've rushed to take my daughter to the park after working hours, harried and rushed, still in my work attire, just to get a few minutes of quality playtime in before dayfall. And every single time I get "those looks" from the other mothers. A single glance can say so much. Everything from "You can barely spend time with your child," to "You're a horrible mother, and you're missing out on the precious moments of your young baby's life" comes through in those few seconds.

My 'precious moments' are usually cut even shorter because of this. And I must say, I feel the pangs of mommy guilt everyday.

But the weirdest part about it is, I actually have my OWN snap judgments about stay-at-home moms. I sometimes catch myself thinking not-so-friendly thoughts about the mothers who have opted to focus on their domestic work rather than a career. It's part jealously, I admit. And I have to catch my self every time and I remind myself that I don't look down on them, but I do envy them. I wish I had more time with my daughter, and I'm sure I always will. But my work is important to me, too.

For the mothers out there who have to chosen to stay at home, or work from home, or work part-time - I applaud your decision. It's no easy feat to care for young ones, especially if you have more than one.

But for the mothers out there who thought to yourself six-weeks postpartum "I love my child, but I can't do the stay at home job full time! I can't wait to get back to work!" -- I understand. And, if you're like me and felt guilty about needing more than motherhood in your 8-hour workday life, I understand.

I just wish all of us mothers could be a little more understanding towards one another. As a mother, I have no doubt that each and every one of you, working mom or stay-at-home mom, love your child infinitely. There are pros and cons to both sides, and choosing between the two will never be easy. All we can do is respect one another's choices, and stop pouring on the guilt. Motherhood is hard enough as it is!

Since I am in the ranks of the "30-somethings" now, many of my close friends are married and starting families. I seem to be in the minority –- 32, single, and childless. For the most part, I have been able to maintain close relationships with friends who are now parents. We still have lots in common and can find plenty to talk about besides the best diaper rash cream, or when to make the transition from bottle to sippy-cup. But then there are the times when the group I'm with is all parents...and me. And it's those times that I question whether or not I can truly relate to my "mommy" friends since I'm childless...and whether or not the mommies can truly relate to me.

Well, I resolved to get my finances in order. It's been a process fraught with anxiety. Back when I was married, I kept a close tab on the cash flow, always worried about going into debt. When I got divorced, and found myself (happily) with full custody of my 2-year-old and 5-year-old children, with (unhappily) no child support or alimony payments due to me.

I took the hit to my finances philosophically, figuring I was a good saver and a good earner, and that for a few years I would just have to close my eyes and hold my breath and probably go into debt in order to keep my children housed, clothed and cared for.

Well, it's been almost three years and it's time to take my head out of the sand. I've met with the financial advisor once to review my situation, and next week I will go again to get some recommendations. But yesterday I received a call from the numbers man at the advisor's office... He had a number of questions, but the one that really struck me was, "I don't think this is right... I'm going over your expenses and it looks like you are operating at a deficit of around $1500/month."

Sigh. I had to call back and tell him that sounded right.

At a recent family dinner, I had a conversation with my mom about parenting during the teen years. Talking about parenting strategies is always interesting, since different people may surprise you by their thoughts on the subject depending on their own experience. But it's ESPECIALLY interesting to have this chat with one of your parents as an adult. THEN, to take it one step further...it's pretty fascinating to engage in this conversation with a parent once you are all grown up, but before you have kids of your own. I am old enough (32) and have had enough distance from my teen years now to pinpoint where I think my parents may be gone wrong in parenting situations. But of course, to their defense, I'm not yet in a position to judge, since I have never had to play the role of parent myself.