Life Coaches Central: Where Coaching Insiders Blog About Real Issues

Relationships

Will There Ever Be Orgasm Equality?

You've heard it muttered in hushed undertones from a female friend at a party or over Sunday brunch, or in a confessional phone call, those dreaded, embarrassing words: "I faked it last night." It's depressing to hear, not just that a woman didn't achieve an orgasm, but also that she felt the need to fake one. A 2004 Sex Survey found that almost 50% of women responders had faked orgasms. Another startling statistic? Men who responded "always had orgasm" 74% of the time, compared with 30% of women. Not surprisingly the percentage of women who "greatly enjoy" sex was 59% compared with 83% of men.

Why the disparity? An interesting study on feminism and sexual pleasure found that women who identified as feminists who were dating men who identified as feminists (feminism being the belief that women and men should be treated equally) were more likely to achieve a higher level of sexual pleasure. It makes sense to me -- if you feel open and equal to someone, then you're more likely to work at getting equality in all aspects of your relationship. And the two of you will respect each other enough to work at ensuring equal love and affection while being intimate.

There is plenty of advice for achieving an orgasm , but in addition to reading up on good relationship and intimacy advice, being in a relationship where both partners have a goal of achieving orgasm equality is an important part of moving away from "faking an orgasm" and not "greatly" enjoying sex. Here's to you and your partner's next shared Big O!

Digital Snooping in a Relationship?

It's bad enough that we have strangers spamming and phishing in our email in-boxes, both of which are major time-wasters and money-drainers. Not just that, those pesky emails can lead to invasion of privacy and one wrong click or one wrong send later, and you could become a victim of identity theft.

Now take add digital invasion to a floundering relationship and you're just asking for trouble. A friend of mine was telling me about friends of hers (you know, girl gossip) whose relationship was on the rocks because the girl, let's just call her Sarah gave her boyfriend (let's just call him) William her email password. William, in a moment of insecurity, checked Sarah's email to see if she was doing anything suspicious behind his back. Turns out she got an email from an ex-boyfriend who she was planning to "meet up," and naturally she hadn't said a word to William. William got mad and said something to Sarah, and she was even madder at him for not trusting her. They managed to move on, but William was still weak and suspicious. So he checked her email again (yes, Sarah, hadn't learned that William was weak and could still read her emails whenever he pleased) and found another email from the other guy. Well you can probably guess what happened next -- Sarah and William both changed their passwords -- and broke up.

Password sharing should only happen when you're both ready to share all of your lives together -- digital and past histories alike. Allow password sharing the same amount of time and trust you would consider before discussing money and bank accounts in a relationship. Or, better yet, before you'd feel comfortable enough saying "I love you." Because you've got enough problems to worry about, without adding password security to the list.

Career Motivation: Finding Inspiration from Others

Last week must have been my lucky week, or something. How often do you get to say you saw a presidential candidate (Barack Obama), a venerable rockstar (Bruce Springsteen), a songwriting global activist (Bono), a stand up comic (Chris Rock), a passionate pianist (Alicia Keys), the current IT songstress (Shakira) and a former U.S. President (Bill Clinton) – all within the span of three days?

I know, let me say it again, last week was my lucky week.

Though I may get a little star struck at times, one of the real reasons I felt so lucky to have seen these household names is because I got to observe each of them at a moment of pure passion for their career and for their life's work.



Mommy guilting each other has to stop!

Despite so many advancements in the "working mother" arena, I still feel there's a bit of the mommy-wars going on. Stay at home moms and working moms continue to pour the guilt on each other for their choices.... I can't tell you how many times I've rushed to take my daughter to the park after working hours, harried and rushed, still in my work attire, just to get a few minutes of quality playtime in before dayfall. And every single time I get "those looks" from the other mothers. A single glance can say so much. Everything from "You can barely spend time with your child," to "You're a horrible mother, and you're missing out on the precious moments of your young baby's life" comes through in those few seconds.

My 'precious moments' are usually cut even shorter because of this. And I must say, I feel the pangs of mommy guilt everyday.

But the weirdest part about it is, I actually have my OWN snap judgments about stay-at-home moms. I sometimes catch myself thinking not-so-friendly thoughts about the mothers who have opted to focus on their domestic work rather than a career. It's part jealously, I admit. And I have to catch my self every time and I remind myself that I don't look down on them, but I do envy them. I wish I had more time with my daughter, and I'm sure I always will. But my work is important to me, too.

For the mothers out there who have to chosen to stay at home, or work from home, or work part-time - I applaud your decision. It's no easy feat to care for young ones, especially if you have more than one.

But for the mothers out there who thought to yourself six-weeks postpartum "I love my child, but I can't do the stay at home job full time! I can't wait to get back to work!" -- I understand. And, if you're like me and felt guilty about needing more than motherhood in your 8-hour workday life, I understand.

I just wish all of us mothers could be a little more understanding towards one another. As a mother, I have no doubt that each and every one of you, working mom or stay-at-home mom, love your child infinitely. There are pros and cons to both sides, and choosing between the two will never be easy. All we can do is respect one another's choices, and stop pouring on the guilt. Motherhood is hard enough as it is!

Can you REALLY relate to your friends who are parents if you don't have kids?

Since I am in the ranks of the "30-somethings" now, many of my close friends are married and starting families. I seem to be in the minority –- 32, single, and childless. For the most part, I have been able to maintain close relationships with friends who are now parents. We still have lots in common and can find plenty to talk about besides the best diaper rash cream, or when to make the transition from bottle to sippy-cup. But then there are the times when the group I'm with is all parents...and me. And it's those times that I question whether or not I can truly relate to my "mommy" friends since I'm childless...and whether or not the mommies can truly relate to me.

Interfaith Relationships: Do Different Religions Make it Harder to Make it Work?

Over dinner with a friend the other night, the topic of religion and relationships came up. She started dating a new guy recently, and she stated that she was relieved that he was the same religion as she was. I thought that word was interesting..."relieved." When I asked her to explain what she meant, she said she felt that relationships are hard enough as it is; dating someone who has a similar religious and/or cultural background just tends to make things easier, since many of your values and traditions are already in line.

The Fellini Family

Over the holidays, my boyfriend met my extended family for the first time. Not my brother and sister and parents and my closest cousins, who he has met several times before, but the whole extended family that comes out of the woodwork at holiday time. I was not really worried about it, because they're my family and they have also just been a part of my life. I've never judged them, though I guess on some level, I would spend more time with them if I really thought they were my kind of people (it's true that early in life I said to my mother -- I guess we have relatives so we know people we wouldn't ordinarily choose as friends). In any case, I was surprised (and, of course, insulted), when my boyfriend commented at one point, "I feel like I'm in a Fellini film." Yikes! Are families really that bad?

Dysfunction at Work!

Yesterday was a really rough day for my boyfriend at work. He's one of those people who is just incredibly passionate about his job, and has a strong sense of right and wrong, and a strong vision for how to improve his workplace. That said, he is not particularly ambitious personally... everything he strives for at work is for the benefit of his students (he works in a university). But he also has a big personality, and sometimes he can rub people the wrong way.
So things are not going well for him at work, and even though he could probably make more money doing something else with his skills, he loves the wonderful parts of his job. So I suggested that he seek out the support of a career coach. After all, I have seen our Coaches talking about dealing with toxic co-workers and working in a dysfunctional environment. I thought a coach could help him learn to communicate in a way that would be most effective in his particular situation, and help him to reach some of his goals.
Well, he completely poo-pooed the idea. He said he understands that I think coaching is helpful, but he's really not that kind of person. Have you ever had a situation where someone you care about just won't seek out help? Or have you had an experience where a coach helped you solve a specific workplace dilemma? Or didn't? I would love to hear form you.




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