Continued From Page 1

Don't Cry Over Something That Won't Cry Over You

From Chapter 8

Stress is a natural part of every leader's life. Your ability to handle it may be tested at any time -- when traffic is backed up for miles and your kids are screaming in their car seats, when you arrive at the wrong office building for a meeting that is to take place within minutes, or when you discover that you have lost your wallet. Truthfully, these are situations that might test even the most capable leader's ability to handle stress.

Men and women respond differently to stressful situations. When men get frustrated, they typically raise their voices or become uncommunicative. But when women become frustrated or angry, they're more likely to cry. No, not every woman cries in such situations, but more women than men respond to stress with tears.

When stressful situations arise, it's normal to feel that a good cry will provide a needed emotional release. However, tears are not the solution you're looking for if you're at work. Tears never resolve conflict, don't correct problems, and don't contribute to the accomplishment of your overall mission. Also, when women show signs of tearing up, it makes those around them (especially men) uncomfortable. What's worse, tears chip away at your command presence, or your ability to inspire confidence in others through your demeanor. They create a perception of weakness, demonstrating to your ream that you don't have emotional resolve. Leaders do have emotional resolve, so tears will damage your professional reputation. Unfortunately, when women lose control of their emotions, this often suggests to their team that they have lost control of the situation (or, rather, that they have caved in to the stressful demands of the situation). Granted, that's not always what tears mean (in many cases, they are just a sign of fatigue), but they have negative connotations that women need to be more aware of. Maintaining your composure is necessary for preserving the respect and trust of your teammates.

We've heard many women say that it's OK to cry at work -- they're just expressing themselves. While we're glad that these women are comfortable with themselves and their emotions, we don't think they recognize the impact that their crying has on others, and on their reputation. When a woman breaks down, she is forever branded as "the woman who cried at work." Her professional reputation is tarnished, and her ability to lead is significantly damaged. Tears don't inspire confidence in someone's skills and can severely limit that person's ability to lead others. Instead of serving as a useful catharsis, as some women argue crying is, tears at work generally only make things worse. Tears and work shouldn't mix.