Chapter 1: Fathers MatterThe impact on what you do and how you do it.It wasn't until after my third personnel conflict with a male supervisor within a six-month period that I noticed a troubling pattern. It was only then [I had] the idea that my relationship with my father might have something to do with my career problems.
-- Linda, age twenty-nine
I have always wanted and sought my father's approval. I rarely received his support and approval. I still look for it at times with colleagues and clients. It is a vicious cycle: I want my father's support, and I know it will never happen the way I want it to -- he isn't that kind of man.
-- Mike, age thirty-seven
Some people are very skeptical about the impact their fathers have had on their careers, especially if they've chosen jobs that are different from their dads'. "I'm a lawyer, and my father was an electrician, so obviously he hasn't had any influence" is a typical response to being asked whether one's father had any effect on one's career choice.
The father factor exerts its influence in many different ways, not just whether you followed in dad's professional footsteps. It can create your most significant weakness on the job as well as your most significant strength. It can determine your level of job satisfaction. And it applies to women as well as to men, to the middle-aged as well as to young people. It is a timeless influence that must be properly understood if you're going to maximize your individual potential and ability in your career and life.
The foundation for your career direction, the father factor directs your career selection and development, both consciously and unconsciously; your ability to excel; and your ability to develop meaningful professional relationships. Your fathers particular parenting style is the template that forms the father factor in your career.If you're still wondering about its existence, try an experiment. Think about a conflict with a boss or a subordinate that occurred relatively recently. Perhaps your boss called you into his office to complain about your performance on a recent project. Perhaps you had to put a subordinate on probation. Whatever the episode involved, summarize it in a paragraph, focusing on your words and feelings at that moment. For instance:
I told Joan that I could not tolerate her talking rudely to our major customer again. I explained that I realized this customer could be a pain but that her behavior was inexcusable. For the next fifteen minutes or so, I talked while she listened; I essentially gave her a refresher course on how to treat our clients, Customer Service 101. I said, "I know you think the customer is a jerk, but you should be mature enough not to lash out at him the way you did." As I was talking to her, I felt a bit guilty because Joan is a good person and solid employee, and the customer was truly a jerk.
After writing your paragraph, answer the following questions:
1. Did what you say in the encounter remind you in any way of how your father spoke to you when you were a child?
2. Is there anything that you said that was either the exact opposite of or identical to the tone and substance of your father's conversations with you?
3. Were your feelings in this encounter similar to or the exact opposite of those you experienced when you had a conflict with your dad as a child?
The odds are that, even without going through this formal exercise, you've experienced situations in which your words or feelings at work reminded you of an encounter with your father. People commonly report talking to a subordinate exactly how their fathers talked to them, even to the point of using the same expressions. They also frequently recall relating to a boss in the same way that they related to their father. In other instances, though, the impact of a father on an adult child's work behaviors is more subtle than many would expect. This effect is the theme of this entire book and will be looked at from many different perspectives and under numerous circumstances.
The key, however, is recognizing that there is an impact. The father factor is a negative in your career only if it goes unrecognized and undiscovered. When you're aware of it and learn to manage it, this factor becomes a positive force. Therefore, let's look at some issues that should raise your awareness of the profound impact your father has on your life and your career.
Excerpted from 'The Father Factor: How Your Father's Legacy Impacts Your Career' by Stephen B. Poulter, Ph.D. Copyright© 2006 by Stephen B. Poulter, Ph.D. Excerpted by permission of Prometheus Books. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
