Skill Builder: Mindful Body Talk
- Be more aware of the messages you receive and send to your friends. The Buddha said, "Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared." Don't make fat-phobic comments, check out others' bodies, or snicker about others' weight. Refuse to engage in disparaging talk about someone else's looks. When you find yourself giving someone the once-over and you make a critical comment, counter it with a positive observation. Genuinely compliment others.
- Never, never, never comment on anyone's weight. You don't know what your comment may mean to someone, and you have no idea what kind of effect your comment may have on that person. Mindless eaters repeatedly report that other people's comments (both positive and negative) about their weight dramatically sway their eating habits. Unhealthy, even dangerous, mindless undereating is reinforced by well-meaning loved ones and coworkers saying, "Oh you look so thin," or "You don't need to lose weight." If you must say something, use a generalized compliment like, "You look really nice today." Don't emphasize weight. Saying that someone looks "fat" or has "gained weight" can be very cruel. Value people not for their butts, thighs, or stomachs, but for their hearts and minds.
#32
Heart versus Hunger Cravings
Marie had one desire for St. Valentine's Day. She wanted to receive a large, red velvet heart full of chocolates. Days before the holiday she waited, craving the gift and imagining how pretty the box would be. Ironically, because of a mild food allergy, she didn't even like chocolate, and rarely ate it. Marie didn't realize that it wasn't chocolate she hungered for, but what the large, red heart symbolized. She wanted to be loved, and for her lover to express his love with a symbolic gift. This anecdote illustrates the kind of confusion that can exist between what your heart longs for and what your stomach craves.
Buddhist theory identifies cravings as the root of suffering. Emotional cravings can be more powerful, insatiable, and destructive than physical hunger. Your emotional desires aren't as clear-cut or as predictable as your desire to eat. As you become more mindful, you will begin to realize exactly what your heart hungers for. Examples include cravings for companionship, love, power, and control. In contrast to food, these longings are not as easily fulfilled. Sometimes, people misinterpret their heart cravings, and try to feed their bodies when they actually need to take better care of their souls.
For example, before Jessica became a mindful eater she was particularly vulnerable to overeating when lonely or sad. Now, instead of reaching for food as comfort, she mindfully calls a friend. It feels so good to talk to others that she stops thinking about overeating and rejoices in companionship.
Skill Builder: Keep a Mindfulness JournalKeep track of your constantly changing emotions and desires. Carry a small pocket journal with you wherever you go. Make it easily accessible so you can reach it in the moment you experience fleeting, powerful, intense emotions or cravings. Or, buy a daily calendar that breaks down the day by hour. Jot down the emotions you felt at particular hours. Examine the calendar at the end of the day to see whether any patterns or trends emerge. If you spend most of your time in front of a computer, create an easily accessible, secure document file to record what happens to you emotionally when your mind wanders during the day.
In addition to your feelings, record and examine your daydreams. These can give you a good idea of what you are consciously craving. If you imagine a special relationship, you are likely craving love and attention. If you dream about a job promotion, you may be longing for power, control, and intellectual stimulation. Consider what you can do to satisfy your heart's cravings.
