Dr. Edward Abramson, author of 'Body Intelligence: Lose Weight, Keep It Off and Feel Great About Your Body Without Dieting' (McGraw Hill) recently spoke with AOL Book Maven Bethanne Patrick on how to prevent your partner from sabotaging your fitness routine. Here are excerpts from the interview:

Bethanne Patrick: Today we wanted to talk about what happens in diet and weight-loss efforts when you have a partner. What happens when they sabotage your efforts? How can they support you? To give you a real-life example, I’m trying to watch my weight but my husband keeps bringing home pints of ‘Karmel Sutra’ from Häagen-Dazs. How can I stop him?

Dr. Ed Abramson: There could be several different reasons why a husband would do that. Sometimes they’re just thoughtless and they don’t want to give up their own ice cream or treats. And when that happens I think you can sit down and explain that you really would appreciate it if they had their ice cream outside of the house; have it with lunch rather than with dinner. Alternatively, after dinner have him take the kids out for a treat so that they don’t have it in the house. If your partner absolutely insists on having it in the house, have him buy ice cream pops – rather than pints – so that there are defined portions. You can even label each one so you know who it belongs to so you would make the temptation even less likely.

Bethanne Patrick: Does deliberate sabotage happen sometimes? If so, why is that?

Dr. Edward Abramson: Oh yes. Sometimes it does. Sometimes husbands feel threatened if their wife is going to loose weight. With some of the couples I’ve worked with, the woman has told me that literally the husband was encouraging her to eat off of his plate, or to have seconds – all the while telling her that he wanted her to lose weight. Clearly there was a mixed message there.

Bethanne Patrick: What are some of the strategies you can use to combat your partner sabotaging your fitness routine?

Dr. Edward Abramson: Frequently what's happening is that he or she feels that if their partner is exercising, then they should be exercising too. If they don't feel like exercising, it would be easier for them to get their partner to stop than for them to start. One thing you can do is to suggest an activity that both of you might be able to do together. It doesn’t always work, but you might suggest you ride bikes together or go dancing together. Find something that the other person would enjoy participating in, and then it becomes an enjoyable social activity. But if the person really is threatened by it, then you may have to sit down and have a serious discussion, and say, 'If you don't want to exercise that's okay, but it's necessary for me to lose weight and to improve my health, and I need you to be supportive. Or at least if you're not going to be supportive, I ask that you not try to undermine my efforts.'

Bethanne Patrick: Looking at it from the flipside, what would be a healthy way to encourage your partner to lose the weight they want to lose?

Dr. Edward Abramson: Again, recognize that one person can’t really control the other person, but they can make it easier for that person to participate. Frequently people who have a history of being heavy for a long period of time have lost the joy of movement. In 'Body Intelligence' I talk about how, as kids, most people had activities that they liked – they played hopscotch or they rode their bike or jumped rope or danced. But as they gained weight, they lost that enjoyment. It's going to take time for them to regain that enjoyment, especially if there has been a history where they were ridiculed or made to feel self-conscious because of their weight. Sot it may be a question of finding an activity the person can do comfortably without feeling like they're un-athletic or foolish. Once you've found that activity, you find a way that you can do it together.

Bethanne Patrick: What can you do if your partner is overweight, and seems really disinterested in exercise and movement?

Dr. Edward Abramson: Recognize, first of all, that change doesn't happen instantaneously. Sometimes we expect people to 'turn over a new leaf' instantaneously, but when you've been out of practice for years it's going to go in fits and starts. Maybe a person will take a small step towards being more active, but then stop for awhile. Rather than giving up or saying that he or she is hopeless when they do make some effort, try to encourage the effort. Help or participate. If they retreat a little bit, don’t get frustrated, but rather encourage them to take the next step.

Bethanne Patrick: What is a good way to help a partner who is overeating or eating really unhealthy foods? Say your partner eats two donuts everyday for breakfast. What would you suggest?

Dr. Edward Abramson: Try to suggest alternatives. For example, for breakfast there is a range of cereals – many of which are awful, but many of which are healthy. My favorite is low fat granola with low fat yogurt and bananas or berries. It doesn't have to be the case that all of the healthy alternatives are unappetizing. If you're eating breakfast together, set an example by having a desirable breakfast yourself makes it more likely that your partner would want to participate and give up their donut.

Bethanne Patrick: Let's you have a woman in a new relationship who's trying to watch her weight, but she has a new beau who loves to eat out every night. What could she do to make healthier choices without jeopardizing the relationship?

Dr. Edward Abramson: Eating out is really dangerous territory, but it's not impossible to make healthy choices when eating out. I make some suggestions in 'Body Intelligence,' for example: ask the waiter not to bring bread to the table. One thing that my wife and I do when we go out to eat is to order one entrée and two salads. We split the entrée so that the portion size is more manageable than what they typically bring you in a restaurant – which is usually more than most people need.

Bethanne Patrick: That's a great suggestion. So the woman could say 'I'd love to go out, but let's split that plate of fettuccini carbonara.'

Dr. Edward Abramson: Exactly. 'I don't need the whole thing. Let's split it and maybe get a salad.'