There may be some parts of your mother you would like to emulate and others you don’t want to be a part of your life. But, even if you adore your mom, you want to be your own person also. Knowledge is the key to unearthing the parts of Mom that don’t fit for you, allowing you to throw off those web strands and be the person who was there underneath her web of influence all this time.

Whether the mom gene manifests itself in small or large ways doesn’t matter; it’s still the same mom gene, just in different degrees. It’s up to you to decide if you want to continue mimicking Mom in those ways or if you want to change the way you relate to the world.

While new information regarding your mother-daughter connection may cause you to become uncomfortable, it’s the only way to start moving past it.

So, read and think about the statements on the following list and see how many yeses you come up with. Some of the questions are intended to help you see the minor similarities, while others address more major issues.

Mother-Daughter Awareness Scale, or Am I My Mother?

-- The older you become the more you drive like your mother.

-- You pack prudently for a trip just like she did.

-- You complain about your mother complaining about your father.

-- You attempt to direct the lives of those close to you as your mother did with you.

-- When you least expect it, you hear your mother’s words and tone when you speak to your children or co-workers.

-- If your mother gave up on goals, you question whether you might be doing the same thing.

-- You realize you dress just like her.

-- You criticize someone and think of your mom doing that to you.

-- You are either thrifty or you overspend and realize she handles money the same way.

-- You find yourself being judgmental and stop yourself because you sound just like your mom.

-- You can admit you and Mom have the same bad temper.

-- You chose a difficult romantic relationship, and it’s reminiscent of your relationship with your mom.

-- You have followed in your mom’s career path or chosen an opposite one whether either is right or wrong for you.

-- You find you have too many pairs of sensible shoes in your closet.

-- As you age, you find yourself talking about all your ailments and remember how much you hated your mom talking about hers.

-- You realize you eat the same foods Mom did.

-- Although it didn’t look like it at the beginning of the relationship, you discover down the road that your mate is critical (or condescending or withdrawn or smothering), just like the man Mom married.

-- You send helpful e-mails to your children just the same as your mother used to send you articles proving her views were right all along.

Seeing the Picture Clearly

What have you realized? You may find that you are like your mom in funny ways, but some behaviors are more serious and limit your individualizing. Don’t panic and deny any similarities you noted in the Mother-Daughter Awareness Scale. Don’t try to sentimentalize her and seemingly ignore her ways -- the parts of her you didn’t like growing up -- because that won’t help either.

The key to your new beginning is to accept that you’ve picked up the mom gene.

Think about it this way: your mother has both good points about her -- at least most mothers do -- and she has parts that would never earn her high marks at the Good Mom Academy.

That’s the reality of the situation, and to be able to accept that you might have picked up one or two of these parts you would rather not acknowledge means you can finally separate from her. This allows you to see who your mother is as a person and, consequently, who you are as a person away from her. It’s so liberating -- you will feel as if you’ve had a second chance at life, having gained a whole new perspective of you, her and the world as you’ve always thought it was.

Excerpted with permission from 'Oh No! I've Become My Mother.'