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Bethanne Patrick: Denis, this is a stressful time for everyone and there is so much to do during this holiday season and I know that people find the extra errands and obligations stress them out. What do you suggest for maintaining a positive outlook during this season?
Denis Waitley: Well you know it is suppose to be the time of giving and sharing and we are suppose be happy and a lot of time it becomes very stressful especially if there are relatives involved.
What I try to do at least every other year is go on a family trip where you don’t have fly but you only drive. Instead of exchanging gifts, you go somewhere as a family together and we just hold up together. The trip itself was our present to each other.
What we do is get a project and because it is a time that is for giving and sharing, we’ve been involved in painting an orphanage across the border. We live in San Diego, so we paint an orphaned in Tijuana . [For] all the things that seem to bother us they go away. If you are not thinking about yourself, but instead you are thinking about who you [helping].
Another thing that you can do is draw names for gifts so that you don’t have to think of getting gifts for ever single person on your list because sometimes -- economically -- it is hard to do. No one is ever going to thank you for the money that you spent. The idea is to try to remember that the time spent with is better than money spent on. I know from experience. I’ve raised six children, and as we get together every year, no one ever talks about the money that we spent.
Another idea, Bethanne, would be this new year’s eve or on new year’s day, is to do a little Academy Award type performance and put it in an envelope and have the family kinda’ get together -- even if there are little children -- [and tell] what good things you remember most about 2005? In other words, what good things happened this year?
Bethanne Patrick: Denis that is a wonderful idea. My next question for you is what are some gift ideas for children to help increase there personal growth and self-esteem? Denis you have given me several already but lets continue in this vain. I love the idea of a family award and things that you can be grateful for. What are some other things that you can do for children?
Denis Waitley: Other things that you can do on that [idea] is put it in an envelope on New Year’s Day or New Year’s Eve, what you are going to do good next year. It doesn’t have to be a resolution; it just could be something you want to do. Stick it in an envelope and seal it for 2006. Then open the envelope as if it were an Academy Award's envelope and see how close you came to doing some of the things that you put down the previous year.
People put credit to the gift in the amount of thinking or caring you did for them. If you give people money they say [there] was nothing personal about it. Instead, have your kids make Christmas gifts. Maybe a photo album, maybe a little video, maybe some cookies, maybe artwork or maybe write a poem. In other words, a Christmas gift that is made because you spent time, love and care. That is a good way because when the gift is open the child gets self-esteem by having someone saying,'wow this is beautiful or you made this' and there is so much pride in having a gift that you made. Another thing that I do to get gifts [ideas], is to use search engines. I like to use Imaginarium Baby and Parenting.com. I go to Parenting.com and I like to look at the Parenting Hall of Fame gifts. Rather than buy the latest toy ipod or get a cell phone for my six year old, I’ll go back to some of the tried and true things I know work. I know there is something called tiny love where you lay your little 18 month old on a blanket and there is like a little toy gymnasium that they can play with. I also like the mobiles. The stimulation mobiles from gymfinity and color forms. Color forms have been around since 1951.
Bethanne Patrick: Oh, color forms. Color forms are wonderful. What a great suggestion.
Denis Waitley: A lot of people don’t know that they have been upgraded. They have been upgraded about three or four years ago. And now they have play books and design books and they have suggestions about bringing them up to date. How about an ant farm?
Bethanne Patrick: Exactly.
Denis Waitley: These are things that cause people to think. There is a new game out called 'twenty questions.' I don’t know if you have seen it or not, but I was on a plane and some older man handed me this ball -- this globe -- and he told me to speak into it and think of something. So I thought of a black rhino and the little ball asked me 20 questions. Within the 20 questions it got the answer black rhino. No matter what I came up with, this little ball was able to figure out what I wanted.
Bethanne Patrick: What fun!
Denis Waitley: It is really fun and it is about twelve dollars ($12). It is something that a five or seven year old could get so…anything like that. Another great idea, we did this last year [is] we got a great little karaoke machine and we did our own version of American Idol.
Bethanne Patrick: One thing that is really important about the things that you are suggesting is that there are about communication. One of the things that you believe in is the power of a handwritten notes. Why is this so important? It is a struggle sometimes to get kids at any age to write them. But why do you think that they are so valuable?
Denis Waitley: We live in an email world. We live in an instant messaging world. We loose a little bit of the intimacy. We loose the personal touch and hand written notes are very, very personal. Why? Because they take time, they take patients; they improve handwriting. For children, the way to start this is to do it yourself as a role model. It is love notes in lunches, love notes on pillows, love notes in homework, love notes on briefcases and even pasted on computer screens. Just a little note; there is something so personal about a handwritten note. You don’t get many letters today; most of it is email. But the letters that I do get, I write a handwritten note on the letter and immediately send that letter back with a handwritten note on it. Make a copy of it and then whatever I’m going to do later in terms of follow through I'll do, but I will always do a handwritten note immediately to let people know that I got it and that it was important to me.
Bethanne Patrick: Part of the idea about making the most of today and a personal note is something that can really connect people. Unfortunately things are going to go wrong no matter how hard you try. When there is a disaster or a problem, how do you get back on track to make the most of that day?
Denis Waitley: Holidays are notorious for slights and I think it is important not to go to bed upset. No matter what happens, try to resolve the situation before you go to bed, so that it doesn’t get blown from a mow-hill to a mountain. The important thing is to be the first, even if it is not your fault. Remember this is the time of year whether it is Christmas, Hanukah or whatever, be the first to apologize to a friend, or to a relative or to a child. Be the first to call, be the first to admit that a slight or mistake was made or you got upset. Again, this is where personal notes may come in handy. When a slight happens to the people that have forgotten the gift list or didn’t get a card to or forgotten completely, this is the time to send a personal note after the fact. I’ve always said to myself that the holidays are full of personal slights. Someone always gets left out but the people that really matter, don’t mind and the people that mind, don’t really matter that much. In other words, don’t really sweat the small stuff. Just be the first to apologize for anything that happens so that you don’t let the holidays become something where a mole-hill becomes a mountain later.
Bethanne Patrick: I’m interested in what they should do to apply your principles about prime time –- those are the hours between 6:00 and 10:00 pm in the evening –- to the holidays?
Denis Waitley: I really like prime-time. My philosophy is this: Why would you spend your life watching other people making money and having fun in their profession? That is the unreality of reality television. You are watching other people doing what they love and there for you are forfeiting what you would really love to be doing during that time, so here is what I would suggest. I suggest buying a family board or card game early and open it at least by December 20th and then play as a family rather than watch television. Get involved in some kind of game that can be ongoing during the holidays. Whether it is a puzzle you lay out on the table or a board game.
I mentioned that we bought a karaoke machine so we did our own American Idol show. We had everyone do a little skit. Instead of watching television we put on our own little shows. Another thing that I think that you can do during prime time is go to a children’s hospital especially one where the children may have had leukemia or where you can see they are not as well-off. The same would be true of a senior center. This gets us out of the house, away from the television set and out into stewardship in prime time.
Denis Waitley: Well you know it is suppose to be the time of giving and sharing and we are suppose be happy and a lot of time it becomes very stressful especially if there are relatives involved.
What I try to do at least every other year is go on a family trip where you don’t have fly but you only drive. Instead of exchanging gifts, you go somewhere as a family together and we just hold up together. The trip itself was our present to each other.
What we do is get a project and because it is a time that is for giving and sharing, we’ve been involved in painting an orphanage across the border. We live in San Diego, so we paint an orphaned in Tijuana . [For] all the things that seem to bother us they go away. If you are not thinking about yourself, but instead you are thinking about who you [helping].
Another thing that you can do is draw names for gifts so that you don’t have to think of getting gifts for ever single person on your list because sometimes -- economically -- it is hard to do. No one is ever going to thank you for the money that you spent. The idea is to try to remember that the time spent with is better than money spent on. I know from experience. I’ve raised six children, and as we get together every year, no one ever talks about the money that we spent.
Another idea, Bethanne, would be this new year’s eve or on new year’s day, is to do a little Academy Award type performance and put it in an envelope and have the family kinda’ get together -- even if there are little children -- [and tell] what good things you remember most about 2005? In other words, what good things happened this year?
Bethanne Patrick: Denis that is a wonderful idea. My next question for you is what are some gift ideas for children to help increase there personal growth and self-esteem? Denis you have given me several already but lets continue in this vain. I love the idea of a family award and things that you can be grateful for. What are some other things that you can do for children?
Denis Waitley: Other things that you can do on that [idea] is put it in an envelope on New Year’s Day or New Year’s Eve, what you are going to do good next year. It doesn’t have to be a resolution; it just could be something you want to do. Stick it in an envelope and seal it for 2006. Then open the envelope as if it were an Academy Award's envelope and see how close you came to doing some of the things that you put down the previous year.
People put credit to the gift in the amount of thinking or caring you did for them. If you give people money they say [there] was nothing personal about it. Instead, have your kids make Christmas gifts. Maybe a photo album, maybe a little video, maybe some cookies, maybe artwork or maybe write a poem. In other words, a Christmas gift that is made because you spent time, love and care. That is a good way because when the gift is open the child gets self-esteem by having someone saying,'wow this is beautiful or you made this' and there is so much pride in having a gift that you made. Another thing that I do to get gifts [ideas], is to use search engines. I like to use Imaginarium Baby and Parenting.com. I go to Parenting.com and I like to look at the Parenting Hall of Fame gifts. Rather than buy the latest toy ipod or get a cell phone for my six year old, I’ll go back to some of the tried and true things I know work. I know there is something called tiny love where you lay your little 18 month old on a blanket and there is like a little toy gymnasium that they can play with. I also like the mobiles. The stimulation mobiles from gymfinity and color forms. Color forms have been around since 1951.
Bethanne Patrick: Oh, color forms. Color forms are wonderful. What a great suggestion.
Denis Waitley: A lot of people don’t know that they have been upgraded. They have been upgraded about three or four years ago. And now they have play books and design books and they have suggestions about bringing them up to date. How about an ant farm?
Bethanne Patrick: Exactly.
Denis Waitley: These are things that cause people to think. There is a new game out called 'twenty questions.' I don’t know if you have seen it or not, but I was on a plane and some older man handed me this ball -- this globe -- and he told me to speak into it and think of something. So I thought of a black rhino and the little ball asked me 20 questions. Within the 20 questions it got the answer black rhino. No matter what I came up with, this little ball was able to figure out what I wanted.
Bethanne Patrick: What fun!
Denis Waitley: It is really fun and it is about twelve dollars ($12). It is something that a five or seven year old could get so…anything like that. Another great idea, we did this last year [is] we got a great little karaoke machine and we did our own version of American Idol.
Bethanne Patrick: One thing that is really important about the things that you are suggesting is that there are about communication. One of the things that you believe in is the power of a handwritten notes. Why is this so important? It is a struggle sometimes to get kids at any age to write them. But why do you think that they are so valuable?
Denis Waitley: We live in an email world. We live in an instant messaging world. We loose a little bit of the intimacy. We loose the personal touch and hand written notes are very, very personal. Why? Because they take time, they take patients; they improve handwriting. For children, the way to start this is to do it yourself as a role model. It is love notes in lunches, love notes on pillows, love notes in homework, love notes on briefcases and even pasted on computer screens. Just a little note; there is something so personal about a handwritten note. You don’t get many letters today; most of it is email. But the letters that I do get, I write a handwritten note on the letter and immediately send that letter back with a handwritten note on it. Make a copy of it and then whatever I’m going to do later in terms of follow through I'll do, but I will always do a handwritten note immediately to let people know that I got it and that it was important to me.
Bethanne Patrick: Part of the idea about making the most of today and a personal note is something that can really connect people. Unfortunately things are going to go wrong no matter how hard you try. When there is a disaster or a problem, how do you get back on track to make the most of that day?
Denis Waitley: Holidays are notorious for slights and I think it is important not to go to bed upset. No matter what happens, try to resolve the situation before you go to bed, so that it doesn’t get blown from a mow-hill to a mountain. The important thing is to be the first, even if it is not your fault. Remember this is the time of year whether it is Christmas, Hanukah or whatever, be the first to apologize to a friend, or to a relative or to a child. Be the first to call, be the first to admit that a slight or mistake was made or you got upset. Again, this is where personal notes may come in handy. When a slight happens to the people that have forgotten the gift list or didn’t get a card to or forgotten completely, this is the time to send a personal note after the fact. I’ve always said to myself that the holidays are full of personal slights. Someone always gets left out but the people that really matter, don’t mind and the people that mind, don’t really matter that much. In other words, don’t really sweat the small stuff. Just be the first to apologize for anything that happens so that you don’t let the holidays become something where a mole-hill becomes a mountain later.
Bethanne Patrick: I’m interested in what they should do to apply your principles about prime time –- those are the hours between 6:00 and 10:00 pm in the evening –- to the holidays?
Denis Waitley: I really like prime-time. My philosophy is this: Why would you spend your life watching other people making money and having fun in their profession? That is the unreality of reality television. You are watching other people doing what they love and there for you are forfeiting what you would really love to be doing during that time, so here is what I would suggest. I suggest buying a family board or card game early and open it at least by December 20th and then play as a family rather than watch television. Get involved in some kind of game that can be ongoing during the holidays. Whether it is a puzzle you lay out on the table or a board game.
I mentioned that we bought a karaoke machine so we did our own American Idol show. We had everyone do a little skit. Instead of watching television we put on our own little shows. Another thing that I think that you can do during prime time is go to a children’s hospital especially one where the children may have had leukemia or where you can see they are not as well-off. The same would be true of a senior center. This gets us out of the house, away from the television set and out into stewardship in prime time.
