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Play-date Paranoia – This is the most stressful play-date by far. The mother brings their child to your house with a laundry list of things the kid can’t eat, wear, smell, swallow or touch.

Are you kosher? Is this a nut free environment? Are those crayons non-toxic and do you use pesticides on your lawn? Is that coloring book age appropriate? We don’t believe in television and video games are out of the question. What about the beverages? If you don’t have 2% growth hormone free organic milk then he’ll just have water, not bottled, fluorinated tap water that’s been filtered, of course.”

You smile politely and make note of the checklist. But what you’re really thinking is - are you kidding us, lady? Are you intentionally raising your boy like John Travolta in that plastic bubble movie, or do you really want to allow him to have any interaction with our kid, whose favorite pastime is proudly proclaiming the booger he just picked is especially for you?

Play-dates We Love

Play-date with a Pal…This is by far the best kind of play-date. In this scenario, you are taking your child to see one of his or her closest friends and their mom just happens to be one of your friends, too. Simple, enjoyable and as close to heaven as humanly possible.

This always happens after work. You bring your kids over in their pajamas and they proceed to try on about 40 different costumes. Arguments are kept to a minimum, your wine glass is continually refilled and you get to catch up on the latest neighborhood gossip. Husbands are also invited to these playdates, since they’re the designated drivers.

Play-dates in a Pinch… You’re about to close the biggest deal of a lifetime when suddenly your cell phone starts buzzing in your suit pocket. You fumble for the phone and your megawatt smile instantly fades as your babysitter informs you she has to leave immediately to take her six-year-old to the doctor.

You know you can’t reach your husband because he’s working late, too, and your mother-in-law has dinner plans with her colorist.

Who can you call? That’s simple: the most reliable and by far the coolest mom in town who doesn’t mind picking up your tots, bringing them to her house and serving them a well-balanced dinner. Big shout out to the moms who’ve been there for us in a pinch. Without you, our cats would be babysitting our kids. (Just joking…we’re not that nuts…cats can’t figure out how to stick a straw into a juice box or work the DVD player).

Palatial Play-dates…Let’s be honest. These are, hands down, our favorite kind of play-date. Who doesn’t want to check out that gorgeous center hall colonial down the street that you’ve had your eye on since you moved into the neighborhood? Going on a palatial play-date is just like going to a real estate open house but you don’t have to worry about leaving a fake name and address because you know you can’t afford to buy anything.

We admit it, sometimes we are the proverbial nosy neighbors or as we like to call ourselves, the “decorating detectives.” We’ll jump at the chance to check out the home of our new neighbor who just moved into the McMansion down the road. “Of course, Rebecca would love to come by and swim in your gunite swimming pool…No, we don’t have any other plans,” as you quickly pick up your cell phone to cancel a play-date with the “Peculiars.”

Mentally taking note as you walk into the grand entrance hall, you marvel at the expansive floorplan, admiring everything from the dentil crown molding to the marble mantels to the custom made mahogany cabinetry.

Unfortunately, our kids can sometimes sabotage our interior investigations before we’ve even had a chance to check out the master suite. In one memorable mansion, Beth’s daughter launched into a screaming fit with her three-year-old hostess, fighting over toys and pretty much ruining the play-date before Beth even had a chance to finish counting all the bathrooms.

Role Mommy Reality Check

Be careful what you wish for. While dialing up a play-date may seem like a quick fix for your busy life and your bored kids, proceed with caution. Make sure your child’s companion has the pedigree of a UN Peacekeeper. Once the tables are turned, the last thing you want to do is host a devious troublemaker from down the street who manages to find the only markers in your house that aren't washable and decides to graffiti your playroom walls with the memorable phrase: Timmy wuz here.

Excerpted from 'Peeing in Peace: Tales and Tips for Type A Moms' by Beth Feldman and Yvette Manessis Corporon. Copyright© 2007 by Beth Feldman and Yvette Manessis Corporon. Excerpted by permission of NK Publications, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.