Continued From Page 2Belligerence signals include:
- "Bulldog" look: jutting jaw, ridge of muscle over eyes, teeth showing in a snarl
- "Charging bull" posture, with head thrust forward and looming body
- Bashing things
- Shaking a finger in some one's face
- Snarling, barking voice
When you are facing someone doing the belligerence posture, do not be impressed. If you show fear, she'll only get worse, and she may just be a thundering gasbag. Examples of belligerent displays in the family may include:
- Slamming a door
- Slamming down books or packages
- Peeling out in a car at top speed
- Shaking a telephone or utility bill in your face
These are all displays, designed for maximum effect. Don't buy into them.
Now, if you have genuinely wronged someone, you may also get a belligerent display. If your father is shaking the phone bill in your face because you ran up $400 in charges at his house, you need to pay that bill. He's entitled to be angry and he wants your attention. The same issues apply: he's concerned about losing control of $400, as well he should be. So solve the problem: apologize and pay the bill.
When someone snarls and thunders at you, your first response may be to snarl and thunder back. Don't. Belligerence only provokes more belligerence. Authority signals are what work.
Submissive SignalsSubmissive signals are the nonverbal cues of the small, timid ape. If you, as a human, convey submissive signals, you may be considered weak, childish, or even stupid. You have got to divorce yourself from these signals.
Submissive signals include:
- Hunched, huddled posture
- Self-clutching -- for example, clutching your own arms, twisting your hands
- Fidgeting
- Fearful grin
- Foolishly animated face
- Toying with hair or jewelry
- Jingling coins or playing with keys
- Fluttery clothes or dangling jewelry
- Clinging to objects
- High, breathy voice
Any bad situation will be made worse by a submissive posture. Let's say you scratched the family car and need to apologize to your father. If you apologize in a submissive posture -- ducking your head, fidgeting or smiling foolishly -- he probably will jump all over you. However, if you approach him in an authority posture -- body standing tall but relaxed, steady hands, looking him squarely in the eye -- he'll probably accept your apology and talk with you about how to get it fixed.
People displaying submissive postures are assumed to be weak, cowardly, stupid, and even dishonest. In humans, these are the signals of someone who deserves a good thrashing, and angry people are predisposed to deliver exactly that.
Don't tempt them. Erase submissive signals from your nonverbal vocabulary.
