Introduction

They say that you should write about what you know, and I know all about being a lazy husband. My laziness once stretched like the British Empire, from the small villages of my children's toys and bottles, to the teeming civilizations of dirty laundry, food to be prepared, kids to be played with, and kitchens to be cleaned. I developed advanced techniques to avoid work and prided myself in their execution. I feigned exhaustion when the grass began to grow so wild that my children could hide in the yard and the fire department couldn't find them. I developed allergies to all household cleaning agents, especially anything that could ever be used on a toilet, run through a washing machine, or poured on a kitchen floor. My laziness was a work of art, a lifestyle happening, an inspiration to all of my (male) friends. And then, over time, something terrible happened. My wife began to change. Not as in screaming, crying, guilt-tripping, change. But, as in, "Okay, Jack, game is over. I am no longer pulling my weight and yours in this household." I was concerned. So I tested her limits just the way the raptors did in the first Jurassic Park movie by hurling themselves against the side of the cage. She didn't flinch.

I tried acute, hysterical sensory loss such as:

• Memory failure: "I never agreed to take out the garbage every week!"

• Hearing failure: "You never said I should change their diapers more than once a day!" and

• Loss of vision: "Actually, I don't see any dust balls."

It took a while for me to realize that my lazy days were drawing to a close, and that a new era of greater participation was setting in. My wife was becoming someone that I couldn't shrug off, scare off, or bug off. She was someone that I had to reckon with.

As a psychologist and self-help author, I often receive desperate pleas from mothers wanting to know how to get their husbands to be more involved with the housework and children. Some women are on the verge of divorce, while others are still struggling to comprehend why her partner acts like a 50's-style uninvolved guy when he promised to share 50 percent of the parenting and housework before the children came on the scene.

I believe that the onus is on men to do the changing. However, I don't think they're going to be in any rush because the current system works so well for them. After all, would women be rushing to change if men, in addition to doing the majority of housework and parenting, also worked outside of the home the way most women do these days? Probably not. So unfortunately, if we're going to get your husband to do his fair share, you're going to have to lead the charge here, and that's what this book is about. 1 I could write a book like this for men, detailing all of the ways that they should pitch in more equitably, and touting the benefits that they'd gain, but I prefer to write books that will be read. If I wrote a book like this for men, it would be the wives who would buy it for their husbands, and that would only worsen the problem because it would sit unopened alongside books like 'Parenting During Your Infant's First Year,' 'How You Can Save Your Marriage,' and 'Let's Talk About Feelings.' In other words, women will have to lead the charge on this because men won't.