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You make a point of inviting fathers to take a more active role in their children's lives and in the school community. What do you hope fathers in particular will take away from your book?

First and foremost, I want dads to stop passing the phones to their wives when someone calls about their child. Honestly, there are so many great dads out there, but there are still way too many of them that run away when their child is having a problem with other children. At the same time, I want to give dads the courage to stand their ground when moms interfere because they think the dads aren't doing 'it' (whatever 'it' is) right. Overall, I want dads to pick up this book and feel that it speaks to them and not just to their wives. I want them to believe that they can and should be involved in the social lives of their children. I'd also like to see fathers stepping up more when they see other dads bully other adults and children.

You say that parents often speak to each other in coded messages. What are some common code phrases parents use and what are they really expressing?

I have a lot, but here are two of my favorites:

• My job as a parent is to protect my kids. Parents love to be the mama or daddy bear. They persuade themselves that they are protecting their children from a life- threatening situation. Too often, though, they end up protecting their children from experiencing frustration, disappointment, or being held accountable for bad behavior.

• My biggest priority is my children. This one never ceases to amaze me because the underlying message is that most other parents don't feel as committed to their children. If another parent says this to you, it's hard to know how to respond. I've been tempted to say, 'Really, that's so wonderful for you because I'd rather be watching TV.'

According to your book, parents have a moral obligation to speak out when something unfair or contrary to their values takes place in the school community. Tell us about some of the reasons parents typically don't speak up and then tell us what effect that has on their children.

Adults are amazingly good at convincing themselves that they shouldn't speak up, and it's important to look closer at these rationalizations. Here are three of my favorites:

• I can only change myself; I can't change someone else. While it's true that you can only be responsible for your own behavior, 'I can't change anyone else' can easily become an excuse to never confront anyone.

• It'll only make the situation worse. Sure, if you attack the other parent's parenting, competence, and integrity, of course she'll get defensive and attack you right back. But give yourself some credit. With a little preparation and maturity, parents are quite capable of having a conversation that positively addresses the problem.

• I'm not going to stoop to the other person's level. It's critical that parents have the courage to ask themselves what is truly behind this statement. Parents often use this response as a way to assert a moral superiority over the person with whom they are angry.

But I think my hands-down favorite is when a Queen Bee Mom or Kingpin Dad stands up at a parent meeting and says, 'I think I speak for every parent here when I say . . . ' Most other parents sit there silently thinking, 'There's no way this person is speaking for me.' But very few parents publicly contradict the Queen Bee Mom or Kingpin Dad. Instead we all complain about them to our spouses or friends on the drive home. Instead of complaining, I suggest saying something during the meeting. I know that's the last thing most parents want to do, but unless more of us are willing to speak up, the Queen Bee Mom or Kingpin Dad will succeed in setting the school's agenda. And your child will have to live with the consequences.

AOL Kids & Family Coach Rosalind Wiseman is the author of the new book 'Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads: Dealing with the Parents, Teachers, Coaches, and Counselors Who Can Make -- or Break -- Your Child’s Future,' which is now available from Crown Publishing Group.