Bethanne Patrick: What's the most common complaint you hear from women about their sex lives?
Hilda Hutcherson: The most common complaint among women is a loss of desire. After a period of time in their relationships, I've found that women of all ages find that intense 'I can't wait to get you in bed' feeling begins to decrease. Sex often becomes less frequent and less exciting. You don't kiss like you used to and that prolonged foreplay that you had at the beginning of the relationship becomes a thing of the past. Sex becomes a stale and predictable routine. Like anything else, when sex becomes boring then your desire for it will naturally decrease.
Bethanne Patrick: One of the things that's important for women, is how they feel about their own bodies. Do you have tips for women who want to improve the way they feel about their bodies?
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson: Sure. The first step to learning how to truly love your body is to change all of the negative messages that many of us send to ourselves. I advise women to write those negative messages down and to change them into something more positive. Instead of saying to yourself first thing in the morning,'I am so fat,'say to yourself 'I'm a luscious, curvaceous, wonderful, sexy woman!' I recommend that women walk around their homes naked and when you pass a mirror, look at yourself and you say,'I am sexy. I am sexy. I am a gorgeous, wonderful and sensuous woman.' Another tip I give to women, is that they give themselves a total body massage to appreciate every inch of their skin. You shouldn’t wonder whether you're sexy and beautiful, you should know it.
Bethanne Patrick: In terms of being in a relationship, what's the number one thing to do for your sex life besides accepting your body?
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson: In a relationship -- especially a long-term relationship -- it is important to make your sex life a priority because great, mutually satisfying sex requires work. That means you never allow your sex life to become boring. You always look for ways to bring something new and exciting into the bedroom. Or better yet, find a new and exciting location for sex. Take it out of the bedroom. Periodically add something new and exciting: a new technique, a toy, or a game that you can share and enjoy together. It has been shown by research that novelty increases your testosterone level and that naturally will increase your desire.
Bethanne Patrick: If you're single and having different partners, it's not necessarily going to be the answer to improving your sex life.
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson: Oh absolutely not. It can be risky to have too many sex partners. But if you are single and you don’t have a sex partner, that doesn't mean that your sex life must take a hiatus. I feel that the foundation of great sex is knowing how to bring yourself pleasure.
Hilda Hutcherson: The most common complaint among women is a loss of desire. After a period of time in their relationships, I've found that women of all ages find that intense 'I can't wait to get you in bed' feeling begins to decrease. Sex often becomes less frequent and less exciting. You don't kiss like you used to and that prolonged foreplay that you had at the beginning of the relationship becomes a thing of the past. Sex becomes a stale and predictable routine. Like anything else, when sex becomes boring then your desire for it will naturally decrease.
Bethanne Patrick: One of the things that's important for women, is how they feel about their own bodies. Do you have tips for women who want to improve the way they feel about their bodies?
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson: Sure. The first step to learning how to truly love your body is to change all of the negative messages that many of us send to ourselves. I advise women to write those negative messages down and to change them into something more positive. Instead of saying to yourself first thing in the morning,'I am so fat,'say to yourself 'I'm a luscious, curvaceous, wonderful, sexy woman!' I recommend that women walk around their homes naked and when you pass a mirror, look at yourself and you say,'I am sexy. I am sexy. I am a gorgeous, wonderful and sensuous woman.' Another tip I give to women, is that they give themselves a total body massage to appreciate every inch of their skin. You shouldn’t wonder whether you're sexy and beautiful, you should know it.
Bethanne Patrick: In terms of being in a relationship, what's the number one thing to do for your sex life besides accepting your body?
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson: In a relationship -- especially a long-term relationship -- it is important to make your sex life a priority because great, mutually satisfying sex requires work. That means you never allow your sex life to become boring. You always look for ways to bring something new and exciting into the bedroom. Or better yet, find a new and exciting location for sex. Take it out of the bedroom. Periodically add something new and exciting: a new technique, a toy, or a game that you can share and enjoy together. It has been shown by research that novelty increases your testosterone level and that naturally will increase your desire.
Bethanne Patrick: If you're single and having different partners, it's not necessarily going to be the answer to improving your sex life.
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson: Oh absolutely not. It can be risky to have too many sex partners. But if you are single and you don’t have a sex partner, that doesn't mean that your sex life must take a hiatus. I feel that the foundation of great sex is knowing how to bring yourself pleasure.
Sex and Health Advice
AOL Coaches can help spice up your life between the sheets.
- Good Sex Is a Skill
- Score Points With a Woman
- Score Points With a Man
- Is He the One?
- Great Sex Every Time
- Pleasing a Woman in the Bedroom
- Pleasing a Man in the Bedroom
Bethanne Patrick: That's definitely something I know that women can find a lot more advice on in your books ', Pleasure' and 'What Your Mother Never Told You About S-e-x.'
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson: The number one thing that most mothers didn't tell their daughters is that we as women are responsible for our own sexual pleasure. I find that many of us spend so many years looking for the perfect man that will bring us sexual ecstasy -- as if a man can take sexual pleasure and wrap it up in a small blue box, tie it with a white ribbon and give it to us as a gift. It just doesn’t work that way. We all deserve the ultimate sexual pleasure, but it's up to us to discover what makes us feel good. We must feel deserving enough to give that information to our partner, and then expect that he's going to make the necessary adjustments to make us happy in the bedroom.
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson: The number one thing that most mothers didn't tell their daughters is that we as women are responsible for our own sexual pleasure. I find that many of us spend so many years looking for the perfect man that will bring us sexual ecstasy -- as if a man can take sexual pleasure and wrap it up in a small blue box, tie it with a white ribbon and give it to us as a gift. It just doesn’t work that way. We all deserve the ultimate sexual pleasure, but it's up to us to discover what makes us feel good. We must feel deserving enough to give that information to our partner, and then expect that he's going to make the necessary adjustments to make us happy in the bedroom.
