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Bethanne Patrick: One of the things you talk to women about is for them to 'make peace' with their first time. What does that mean?
Hilda Hutcherson: Well for many of us, the first time is nothing like we imagined.
Bethanne Patrick: It's not tied with a white ribbon and a blue box!
Hilda Hutcherson: Exactly! You know, you feel like you're so in love, and you're so turned on by this person, that of course sex for the first time is going to be amazing. Right?
Bethanne Patrick: Of course!
Hilda Hutcherson: But instead, it's likely that the first time is less than satisfying. Some women have told me that after their first time, they felt like they were failures. Others have said they mourned the loss of their virginity. So 'making peace' means revisiting that first experience in your mind -- relive it for just a moment, analyze it, think about it -- and then change that sexual script that you may be holding in the back of your mind. And then move on.
Bethanne Patrick: What do men wish we knew about them that we don't, sexually?
Hilda Hutcherson: Oh, men have told me so many things. The number one point that men have said is that they wish women knew that they also need to be wanted, loved, and desired. It's often not easy for them [men] to voice these feelings to women. Men say to me,'I absolutely love it when a women initiates sex.' They love it when women take charge once in awhile. The message that you're sending to the man is,'You are so hot that I can't resist you. I must have you now!' That's a turn-on!.
Bethanne Patrick: Women's bodies do change; our lives change. How can we keep sex great all through the decades?
Bethanne Patrick: One of the things you talk to women about is for them to 'make peace' with their first time. What does that mean?
Hilda Hutcherson: Well for many of us, the first time is nothing like we imagined.
Bethanne Patrick: It's not tied with a white ribbon and a blue box!
Hilda Hutcherson: Exactly! You know, you feel like you're so in love, and you're so turned on by this person, that of course sex for the first time is going to be amazing. Right?
Bethanne Patrick: Of course!
Hilda Hutcherson: But instead, it's likely that the first time is less than satisfying. Some women have told me that after their first time, they felt like they were failures. Others have said they mourned the loss of their virginity. So 'making peace' means revisiting that first experience in your mind -- relive it for just a moment, analyze it, think about it -- and then change that sexual script that you may be holding in the back of your mind. And then move on.
Bethanne Patrick: What do men wish we knew about them that we don't, sexually?
Hilda Hutcherson: Oh, men have told me so many things. The number one point that men have said is that they wish women knew that they also need to be wanted, loved, and desired. It's often not easy for them [men] to voice these feelings to women. Men say to me,'I absolutely love it when a women initiates sex.' They love it when women take charge once in awhile. The message that you're sending to the man is,'You are so hot that I can't resist you. I must have you now!' That's a turn-on!.
Bethanne Patrick: Women's bodies do change; our lives change. How can we keep sex great all through the decades?
Hilda Hutcherson: Well, sex is something that should be great throughout your lifetime. Our bodies do change over the decades. Sex will change too, but that doesn't mean that it necessarily has to get worse. In fact, I think that sex can and should get better with age, because as we get older we tend to become more confident and more comfortable in our own skin. We're more aware of what turns us on and what gives us pleasure.
Bethanne Patrick: So self-knowledge is an excellent thing?
Hilda Hutcherson: Yes. Absolutely. So the key is to never stop being sexual, whether you have a partner or you are alone. It's important to keep the blood flowing in our bodies and, as the saying goes,'you either use it or lose it.'
Bethanne Patrick: Now so that you don't lose it -- if a woman has a sexual concern and feels uncomfortable discussing it, what's the best way to address it with her doctor?
Hilda Hutcherson: The best way to discuss any sexual concerns with your doctor -- you should feel comfortable talking to your doctor about this -- is to be absolutely straightforward and honest. I think that women should present their concerns in a very matter-of-fact manner; for instance you just say,'Doctor, I'm having trouble achieving orgasm. What can I do?'
Bethanne Patrick: So don't hide it. The doctor has heard it all.
Hilda Hutcherson: Absolutely. Eye to eye contact, very straightforward, because this is a health issue. If you look at it as a health issue, and not a sex issue, it becomes so much easier to talk to your doctor. I've found that the questions that women come to me [about] are simple to answer. So there's no reason to be embarrassed because we all deserve great sex.
Bethanne Patrick: So self-knowledge is an excellent thing?
Hilda Hutcherson: Yes. Absolutely. So the key is to never stop being sexual, whether you have a partner or you are alone. It's important to keep the blood flowing in our bodies and, as the saying goes,'you either use it or lose it.'
Bethanne Patrick: Now so that you don't lose it -- if a woman has a sexual concern and feels uncomfortable discussing it, what's the best way to address it with her doctor?
Hilda Hutcherson: The best way to discuss any sexual concerns with your doctor -- you should feel comfortable talking to your doctor about this -- is to be absolutely straightforward and honest. I think that women should present their concerns in a very matter-of-fact manner; for instance you just say,'Doctor, I'm having trouble achieving orgasm. What can I do?'
Bethanne Patrick: So don't hide it. The doctor has heard it all.
Hilda Hutcherson: Absolutely. Eye to eye contact, very straightforward, because this is a health issue. If you look at it as a health issue, and not a sex issue, it becomes so much easier to talk to your doctor. I've found that the questions that women come to me [about] are simple to answer. So there's no reason to be embarrassed because we all deserve great sex.
