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21. Ex-PAT - Ex-Post Assessment Test. A forensic review of magnetic resonance imaging of brain and heart-rate patterns to determine an ARSE’s true level of interest in another party with whom he has had previous engagements.

22. Exus Cannotgetoverus - A dating disorder marked by an "overly friendly" bond between former romantic partners. The disorder can range from a mild sense of nostalgia for the ex to a debilitating level of obsession, although most cases fall somewhere in between.

23. FBI (Federal Bureau of Intimacy). DSI’s supervising governmental agency.

24. FIB - A Florescent Infidelity Burner test. Using a highly-tuned infrared lamp, DSI scans for traces of clothing fibers, scent, make-up, and other bodily fluids on the ARSE’s person.

25. Flirtatious Felonies - Provocative conduct, ranging from fleeting flirtations to full-blown encounters, that amply demonstrate how the ARSE's and DUPE's psychographic backgrounds influence romantic, sexual, and emotional potential.

26. FOCCed UP - Fear of Commitment Compounded by Underlying Pressures with an accompanying defense mechanism that someone better may be out there. FOCCed UP is one of the most common forms of commitment phobias (others include "I’m Just Not Ready Syndrome" and "The It’s Not You, It’s Me Complex"). Its onset often comes as a surprise, since most suspects will hide their reservations until their fears become so overwhelming, they make a run for it.

27. HEAT - Highly Erotic Attractive Traces. Indicates the level of basic attraction and sexual chemistry between parties.

28. Homosexualis Closetus - Homosexual men who engage in heterosexual relationships (ranging from casual dating to marriage and paternity) based on a deliberate or unconscious desire to cloak their gay orientation, owing to a vast panoply of social and psychological factors that systematically valorize the heterosexual lifestyle, while heinously stigmatizing homosexuality as aberrant.

29. Homosexualis in Denius - Cases where straight men are assumed to have not yet ‘discovered’ that they are gay.

30. ICE - Intimate Communications Evaluation. An examination of romantic and sexual interactions to reveal basic compatibility and emotional hurdles.

31. Intimacy Intervention - In lieu of Relationship Rehab, DSI dispatches field agents to assist in the complete removal an ARSE from a DUPE’s life (including all totems and reminders). DSI monitors progress through regular FMRI scans of brain-patterns.

32. Interpersonal Infractions - Mild to extreme dating misconduct that caused another person to suffer.

33. James Dean Syndrome, marked by a rebellious streak to strike out on one’s own and a concomitant panic of being hemmed in by social/legal obligations. Those afflicted tend to avoid signing leases or buying furniture/real estate; snub planning trips in advance; work in freelance/temp positions rather than 9to5 jobs and fail to RSVP to close family weddings.

34. John Cheever Syndrome - marked by long periods of depression, reclusion or rootless wandering, chemical addiction, and sporadic self-punitive creative expression. Those afflicted tend to spend protracted lengths of time without desire for social contact; view the people who love them with contempt; and believe love, relationships, and all other pursuits are vainglorious exercises of human frailty doomed to failure.

35. KISS - a Kinkiness Indicator and Sensuality Sensor. This test is used to gauge an individual or couple's potential for erotic experiment and adventurous play.

36. LIMP Test - Latent Intimacy for Males Potential. A form of Gaydar that assigns a rating to an ARSE’s level of sensitivity and "feminized" qualities, utilizing both external physical indicators (aesthetic choices in clothing, interior design, and musical tastes, etc.) and internal emotional readings. The test provides a range of Male Intimacy Potential, from Stuffed Shirt-Straight Arrow to Village People Wannabe.

37. MARS - Male Anti-Relationship Syndrome. The Federal Bureau of Intimacy recently released the results of a long-term classified study, hence substantiating the idiom that men are, indeed, from Mars. The unearthing of these documents has shed new light on a variety of male dating behaviors once thought to be beyond comprehension. MARS remains the most common and pernicious DSI disorder.

38. Mating Misdemeanors - Malfeasant behaviors, ranging from snooping to cheatingthat impaired the ARSE's and DUPE's previous relationships.

39. MBU - Missing Boyfriend’s Unit. More than 100,000 boyfriends go missing each year in the United States alone (international figures are obscured by European haggling over the definition of "boyfriend"), leaving those behind distraught, confused, and alone. DSI has received so many "missing boyfriend" calls in recent years that DSI decided to establish a special unit dedicated to tracking misplaced boyfriends, at last bringing closure to these perplexing, unsolved mysteries.

40. MOD - Metrosexualis Over-Duzzit. An increasingly common condition, often mistaken for homosexuality, which is particularly prevalent in urban areas of the United States. MOD is a dating-related disorder whereby a man presumed to be heterosexual displays certain behaviors that, combined with sexual passivity, lead women to accuse him of being gay.