Continued From Page 1One of those issues is the strength of female bonding. "Girlfriends travel together," the author says. "And women are single for so much longer. I believe in the bonds that women share, but women have become so close knit that there is no room for a man to come in anymore. All emotional needs are taken care of by a small group of women who have a stake in keeping each other single."

Elina Furman offers single women tips and advice on how to conquer their commitment anxiety and curb overanalysis.
Another is the pickiness. "We always see the stereotype of the men who want to date a supermodel. Now we see this happening with women," Furman says. "Expectations are skyrocketing out of control. Women have economic power and now they are acting like men. Pickiness is a luxury that women can now afford."
One prime example is Jennifer Aniston's dashed relationship with Brad Pitt, whom tabloids say only wanted to settle down and have children, which he has done with Angelina Jolie. She, ironically, is yet another independent woman whom tabloids often point out is ambivalent about marriage but not children. Another example is the runaway bride who skipped out on her groom and her wedding and fled to Mexico.
Commitment phobia is not just an American trend but also a global phenomenon, Furman says, with women in Japan, Australia and Britain adopting the same behaviors. These women, she says, are not settling down. They want to experience life, shop, travel, work, count their money and play. "They fear having a husband is going to compromise their lifestyle," she says. "They fear of giving up freedom." In addition, she says, relationships get a bad rap today with all the negative messages in the media about relationships. "Growing up in this day and age, you'd be freaked out, too," Furman says.
This trend is especially unsettling for men, the author says. "Men don't understand why women are roaring so much. A lot of men are much more relationship- and family-oriented than women." She says women often feel that men have more to gain in a marriage and many feel as if men always win and women always lose in a relationship. In addition, when men play the nice guy, they may not get the girl. The author says, often it's not his issues but hers that interfere in a relationship. She says many women are saying to men, "It's your fault," rather than admit that they are scared of commitment.
Furman says for years, everyone quoted erroneous statistics that said there were not enough men for all the single women. She says even though those stats have been debunked, women still rely on flawed probabilities, often blaming men for their predicament. However, says Furman, this defeatism masks their underlying fear of commitment. The ones who say there aren't enough men are blaming things outside themselves. The author says women should stop looking outside themselves and look inside to figure out why they are afraid of intimacy. Intimacy, she says, can be scary.
So what's a woman to do? Furman says the first step is to admit you have a problem. In 'Kiss and Run,' she details seven types of commitment phobes: The Nit-Picker, The Serial Dater, The Long-Distance Runner, The Tinker Belle, The Free Spirit, Damsel in Distress and The Player. In addition, her book offers steps on how to stop derailing relationships with quizzes, first-person accounts and expert advice to help these women to change their ways. Eventually, Furman says, commitment phobic women can get over themselves and move on to a healthy, satisfying and emotionally committed relationship. She ought to know; she did.