It may be quite hard to believe but men have feelings too. Their "go-to" feelings are quite different from ours, however. Men are often uncomfortable with weepy, vulnerable feelings, so their favorite upset feelings tend toward one of two kinds of anger: actively hostile (martial) or passive aggressive (glacial).
Symptoms of active Anger Mode (macho) include raging about, throwing fits, irritation, meanness, shouting, curtness, sarcasm, aggression and/or fisticuffs.
Symptoms of passive aggressive Anger Mode (snotty) include eye-rolling, face-making, withholding, silent treatment, pouting, groaning, sighing, disappearing, and/or sneaky plotting.
The best way too handle men when they're having a feeling, big or small, is to allow them to have it with minimal intervention. Step away when his feathers are ruffled and return once he's had time to settle down.
Often, you'll find that a man's "feelings" are triggered by the following:
Situational upset: Something happened to provoke a macho outburst of hostile feelings or bad behavior. It could be in response to an irritation with you, something at work, or a malfunctioning gizmo.
Male Attention Deficit Disorder, or MADD. It's a scientific fact: Men can only hear three sentences max before they start to tune you out. Anything over three sentences starts to overloads them with too much information, causing men to panic, especially if the sentences are loaded with ...
Heavy emotion (anger, tears, or both): This is liable to turn him into a Bat Out of Hell. He'll actively flee the scene of the emotional crime or go into an emotional coma. Strong emotions from you (any) actually cause him great alarm and trigger an inner defense system designed to shut him down, thus preventing and protecting him from an imminent threat (saying something stupid while you're crying and making things worse.) When a man is in an Emotional Coma, he often becomes a Mute Swan and behaves as one temporarily incapable of speech. He, when pressed, may manage to grunt, "I'm sorry," or "It's not my fault!" Leave this bird alone! When men become mute, you have said enough. Many women repeat themselves, mistaking his silence for actual deafness.
Man Fact: He heard you. His brain just needs time to catch up.
Upside to Men Suddenly Struck Mute: Men often place themselves voluntarily in (emotional) lockdown by winging away or falling mute, to stop themselves from bullying you or becoming overly aggressive.
Let him digest the information. In the meantime, get a manicure. When you return, see if he's figured out what you were trying to communicate before you left. If he pretends that nothing happened, try talking to him again without the waterworks, in three sentences max. Let him respond or mull it over for a while now that he's heard you repeat in a calmer tone.
Male A.D.D.
Scenario: You ask your man if you and he can "talk." About three sentences in, you notice that he's no longer talking or looking at you and, instead has started to play a video game while nodding and grunting, "Uh-huh. Hmm-mm-hhm." You ask him to stop (whatever he's doing) and "talk" to you. He becomes ridiculously defensive that you've accused him" of not paying attention and stalks out of the room.
Male A.D.D. usually occurs when a woman starts an unending stream of emotionally charged conversation (in Girlspeak "sharing you feelings"; in Caveman, "nagging, bossing, and complaining").
Excerpted from 'Dating, Mating, and Manhandling: The Ornithological Guide to Men' by Lauren Francis. Copyright© 2006 by Lauren Francis. Excerpted by permission of Harmony Books, an imprint of Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc, New York. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
