I’m a fan of full disclosure in a relationship -- but this doesn’t include doling out passwords or techno-relating details with men who could possibly threaten my welfare. There’s only so much you should share with your baby, no matter how close you are.

Hoarding tech info is about privacy and every relationship needs it. Give your guy the keys to your place, his own drawer, even a shelf in the bathroom -- but keep all passwords to yourself. This has little to do with trust, and everything to do with maintaining your own sense of technical independence and freedom. You know that if he so much as glanced at one of your notes, the chances of him confusing a joke or reference is all too possible. Just like the telephone game you played as a kid, he’s going to get your girlfriend gossip all wrong. That is, if he’s not horrified by how much personal info you share with your friends first. Knowing when your chest hurts from PMS or how funny you find his orgasm face does not a stronger bond make…

In my opinion, giving up specific tech-details about your private life is an element of control a man shouldn’t have over you, no matter how hard he tries to convince you that sharing will bring you closer. Tell him to save it for Dr. Phil, because real trust allows you to have conversations that don’t concern him -- conversations that he trusts won’t let him down.

Of course, privacy isn’t a one-way deal. If you don’t give your guy the password to your computer, email, BlackBerry, dating accounts, community sites, or even your cell phone, then you shouldn’t expect to be given his. This also means you shouldn’t sneak onto his computer without his permission. What if you misunderstand what you find and it causes you a week’s worth of angst? You’re not Brittany Murphy in Little Black Book…

Take your guy out of the scenario for a minute, because it’s really your happiness that I care about most. Now consider: Even if you found the most shocking info online, you’d struggle with whether to confront him or keep it a secret. You’d have to confess the situation to at least six friends for advice, and then they’d downgrade him from “lucky find” to “ungrateful yuck” without all the facts in tow. You’d be sick for days. The anxiety would eat you alive, until you were forced to blurt out that you are fully aware that his desktop has naked photos of his ex -- and what kind of fool did he take you for? Oh wait, that was his roommate’s computer? Oops. Shared trust issues would become a disaster, even if you worked on newfound insecurities. And if your guy never assumed you snooped in his drawers and bags when he wasn’t around, he will now. What’s worse is that he may now feel entitled to do the same to you. Talk about a vicious cycle. I have a stomachache just thinking about it.

Is this the kind of relationship you want to be in? I think not.

Now if you stumble across upsetting information, that’s another story. Once, I used my ex-boyfriend’s computer to check email -- and when I typed in the URL, a scroll-down list of recently visited websites appeared for my convenience. Hello, helpful cookie function. All I needed to see was the word “x-treme…” followed by the name Nathalie -- and the cliché “How often do you look at porn?” fight ensued. I called him a massive perv and accused him of lacking “masturbatory imagination” (I swear, I did). I yelled, he stammered, and before we knew it, he confessed to past offenses I’d rather assume didn’t exist. Cut to two days later, when my baby called to say he clicked on the URL I’d seen (but never visited) -- and it was an extreme sports site he once used for work-related research! I laughed, but the poor dear had already busted himself; I didn’t even have to be sneaky. The positive outcome? A genuine talk about the roles we expected tech to play in our relationship -- and a vow never to intentionally invade or judge another’s private matters without calm discussion first.

I’m not endorsing an “ignorance is bliss” lifestyle here. I’m suggesting that you value your guy as you expect to be valued yourself. If you have nothing to hide, you have no reason for doubts -- and neither does he. Should your one-and-only pressure or even threaten you about this topic, no matter how sweetly coercive he couches the subject, your self-protective instincts should shoot off fireworks. This man’s interests are not your own, and whether they stem from insecurity or control or trust issues isn’t your problem. A like-minded partner is exactly that: one who shares your principles. And if you give in about this topic, there’s a good chance he’ll only up the ante later. Today’s password could be tomorrow’s credit card statements.