Continued From Page 1

Calling All Female Hackers: You Know Who You Are

Girls, girls, girls! I can’t believe how many of you have snuck into your guy’s computer, stolen his password, or explored his bookmarks like the Pink Panther hopped-up on estrogen supplements. What happened to your “Do unto others” mantra? What happened to your faith in mankind? Oh, and what happened to the secret mistress your guy was keeping in Key West…?

That’s right. As much as I think busting into a guy’s private world is very, very bad, the number of stories I’ve heard about how women’s fears were confirmed when they did so almost legitimizes the means to their (relationship’s) end. Even still, I’ll never support this invasion of privacy, mostly because I’d be mad pissed if someone turned the scenario around on me. So where does that leave you? Listening to your gut, and then verbally confronting your guy with any suspicious activity. You don’t need to do the dirty work of actually proving his infidelity, gambling habits, or porn addiction. If your instincts say he’s up to no good, if your friends think his behavior is fishy, then take him to task. Your trust issues will have trust issues if you keep it to yourself -- and if his sensible explanations still make you squirm, nothing stops you from trading him in for someone with whom you feel immediately comfortable.

That said, I can’t resist sharing a few tales from women who’ve read their guy’s notes and wish to dish. Some had their worst worries confirmed, while others sought revenge or a good laugh. But even in the best case scenarios, snoopy situations lead to increased vulnerability -- which left their relationships on shaky ground. You didn’t sign-up for a panic attack, with a side of crushed expectations and shaky self-esteem. Why go there at all?

“My college boyfriend and I dated for six years, and we shared a cell phone to save money. He dumped me for another woman and then married her five months later. Although he changed women, he wasn’t smart enough to change phones. On his honeymoon, I broke into his voicemail and erased all the messages from people who congratulated him on his wedding!” – Amy, 24

“I dated a guy for two months who was intent on getting my password. He’d use every excuse in the book, just to open my laptop and learn it. He wanted to IMDB actors we’d watch in a movie, he’d insist on running a search on an animal we saw on TV. It was almost comical, because I knew what he was doing. One day, he was at my apartment while I was working -- and I noticed that my IM was logged on from another location! I called him, and asked if he was using it. He denied that he’d broken into my computer but it was obvious. I couldn’t trust him after.” – Jess, 33

“My boyfriend left his phone on the bar when he went to use the bathroom. It was just sitting there: open, unlocked, ripe for the hacking. So I quickly scrolled through his text message inbox and outbox, but found nothing incriminating to speak of. I felt awful after, but because it was there and we’re together, I almost felt entitled to do it! I have complete faith in him now, but I’m sorry I had to be deceitful to discover this.” – Kara, 26

“Once I dated a guy, who was introduced to me by a friend. Six months into our relationship, he confessed that in his past life, he lassoed dates via Nerve.com. So I dropped $30 on their membership fee and created an online fake profile to find out if his account was still active -- and if he was still looking. My false persona contacted him, and immediately slid his favorite movie, book, and music references into a fictional girl’s profile (sans photo). I basically created his dream date: a model that loves hard-boiled noir fiction and knows the Scorsese oeuvre like the back of her twenty-two year old hand. It’s not hacking -- but it was a major invasion of his privacy.

I’m fairly certainly that by the time he read to the end of my fake profile, he came to his senses and realized that no barely-legal model/actress would love Pete Dexter novels and the exploding palm trees from the opening scene from Apocalypse Now as much as he did. Someone was f***ing with him, and most likely that that someone was me. Continued ...