Continued From Page 43. Thirty Going on 13Is 30 really the new 20? We've all heard that one before. But there's definitely more than a little truth to that statement. Our world is undergoing a radical shift in its expectations of when we mature. The MacArthur Foundation's Transition to Adulthood project has set a new ceiling for adolescence at 34 years of age. And the 2005 U.S. Census Bureau's marriage statistics indicate that women are waiting longer than ever to settle down, with the average age of first marriage increasing from 20.8 to 25.8 between 1970 and 2005. Just as we've all heard about the Peter Pan complex, the boy who wouldn't grow up, it was only a matter of time before the Tinker Bell Syndrome reared its head.
THE DOCTOR IS IN
The whole social expectation of mating is a sign of maturity, leading to the mythical 2.5 children, the dog, and the white picket fence. This is the cultural expectation of what you do when you grow up. And so just as men are affected by what's been called the Peter Pan Syndrome, women, too, can see that their parents or other grown-ups are not having as much fun in their lives and it doesn't look very attractive. And it's easy for them to say, "I don't want to go there." We don't really have rites of passage in our culture anymore. And in the absence of other rites of passage, marriage has become the main symbol of being grown up.
-- Dr. Deborah Anapol
In the past, our youth was defined as a time of personal struggle for identity that ended with the choice of a career and a spouse. These were the goalposts on the road to adulthood. Whether it's because of our extended life span (77.6 years in 2003) or the fact that it's taking far longer to match our parents' middle-class lifestyle, we don't feel as compelled to get a job, settle down, and push out 2.5 kids all before we turn 30. In fact, more and more studies are encouraging women to wait, showing that late marriages have better success rates than early ones.
What used to be the years for moving to the suburbs and picking out china patterns have now become a time of unabashed self-exploration, a period to experiment, travel, date, establish a career, and nurture social networks. Having postponed marriage and carved out a thriving single life for ourselves, many of us have become habituated to living on our own, much like a confirmed bachelor. In the end, today's women are in no hurry to grow up, and it is these new expectations for the onset of adulthood that have eliminated the urgency with which many of us pursue commitment.
THE CONFESSIONAL: Lia, 33
I have a huge fear of aging and death, and view marriage as a milestone followed by a series of losses. I see people around me finding happiness and peace within scenarios that on paper look entirely unriveting. It makes me wonder if there is something to be said for boring. Then again, the idea of being saddled with a husband and children right now is terrifying. I think I just move at a slower pace than some of my peers.
4. Hip to Be SingleFifty years ago, a single woman who postponed marriage would have been branded a spinster, an old maid, or a recluse. Unwed women were usually derided, barely tolerated, or viewed as home-wrecking threats. Thankfully, today's social climate has changed drastically.
Look around and you'll see images of the hip single woman everywhere. There's the immense popularity of the chick-lit genre, national singles organizations, TV shows such as
Sex and the City, singles registries at stores such as Williams-Sonoma and Pottery Barn, and diamond companies marketing right-hand rings to celebrate women's independence. Sure, there are the occasional eyebrow furrows when you tell someone you're single, but overall the stigma of being uncoupled has dramatically decreased, helping women shake off the spinster stereotype and celebrate their single years.
But can it really be all that simple? Not at all. In fact, life has become more complicated than ever. On one hand, it is perfectly acceptable for us to enjoy a variety of relationships without long-term commitment. On the other hand, many of us still have traditional leanings and crave stability, family, and commitment.
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