Q: It seems that there is an artificial intimacy and expectation of sex when you meet someone from an online source. I would like to know how to get past the expectation that many men have of getting sex fairly soon after meeting an online contact?

A: It's absolutely true that a lot of men use the Internet as a method of procuring sexual opportunities, but it's also true that just as many men are using the Internet really in the hopes of finding Mrs. Right. I have absolutely heard from women who say "I feel like I'm on a date and there's an expectation of sex." Sometimes I've even heard women say "I'll hook up with him and fool around just because I feel like I should."

The first thing I want to ask is: "Why do you have that expectation? Why do you have such low self-esteem that you would feel obligated to be physical?"

Because I would think when a guy likes you, he enjoys the chase, he enjoys the process of courtship and he's not necessarily expecting casual sex.

Very often if you have the expectation that you should be sexual with a person it either has something to do with your own self-esteem and your own issues, or it has to do with the type of person that you're ultimately making a date with. There are plenty of nice guys who really just view the Internet as a first step in a courtship process and they enjoy the flow of the chase. In some ways that's why you develop the flow of the chase; by enjoying the flow of the chaste.