Continued from Page 2
Evan Marc Katz: Exactly. That's what my point is. This kind of stuff is universal. The problem is that a lot of women want their men to be all things at all times.
Bethanne Patrick: And you say that can't happen.
Evan Marc Katz: No one's going to be perfect. No one's going to meet all of your emotional needs so if you find a guy who's a great communicator and you value that, you can't blame him when sometimes he's a little weak or up-and-down. And you can't blame a guy who's a pillar of strength for being a little emotionally distant because that's the way he operates. Everyone's always going to leave you a little bit lacking -- you have to understand that and accept it.
Evan Marc Katz: Exactly. That's what my point is. This kind of stuff is universal. The problem is that a lot of women want their men to be all things at all times.
Bethanne Patrick: And you say that can't happen.
Evan Marc Katz: No one's going to be perfect. No one's going to meet all of your emotional needs so if you find a guy who's a great communicator and you value that, you can't blame him when sometimes he's a little weak or up-and-down. And you can't blame a guy who's a pillar of strength for being a little emotionally distant because that's the way he operates. Everyone's always going to leave you a little bit lacking -- you have to understand that and accept it.
More Great Love & Sex Advice
Is your love life feeling flat? Does it seem like you're dating the same people over and over? Let online dating coach Evan Marc Katz and all of the experts at AOL Love & Sex Coaches give you the advice and tips you need to form find more fulfilling relationships.
- Listen to Evan's Interview
- Buy Evan's Book, 'Why You're Still Single'
- Get Professional Dating Advice From Evan
- Find More Love, Sex & Self-Help Inteviews
- Get More Advice From Evan Marc Katz
- Check Out E-Cyrano.com
- Excerpt: Do You Keep Falling for Jerks?
More Tips and Advice from AOL Coaches
Bethanne Patrick: You also give the example for the flipside for guys, which is the classic Madonna/whore complex. So if you can't expect guys to be both things at the same time, you can't expect women to be all things at the same time either, correct?
Evan Marc Katz: That's not exactly what we said in the book and it's not something that was really the point of it entirely, because they're not mutually exclusive. You could be a good girl at work and be a bad girl behind closed doors and nobody's going to know the difference.
Bethanne Patrick: You're right. That's not exactly the way it's stated in the book, although you did mention that -- but I think my point is that it wouldn't be fair for men to be all things.
Evan Marc Katz: All things at all times, exactly.
Bethanne Patrick: That's the whole thing because I think you and Linda, in writing this together, have given such a great dual perspective on it. The third thing that you talk about is 'The Power of No.' What do you mean by that?
Evan Marc Katz: 'The Power of No,' blatantly ripped off from 'The Power of Now,' is really just about being strong enough to walk away from a situation that's not working for you or just being able to say no in a day-to-day relationship. In a day-to-day relationship, we're sort of conditioned to be agreeable, which is a good thing -- you want to think of your partner. But if someone asks you to do something that you don't want to do, you have every right to say no and you'll be respected for it. You're not a doormat. When you get walked over in your own relationship you're going to build up a level of resentment because you're not being yourself.
Bethanne Patrick: 'The Power of No' is really about women valuing themselves, isn't it?
Evan Marc Katz: Exactly -- it is entirely about women valuing themselves and knowing that you can get what you want out of life as long as you're being reasonable and being true to yourself the entire time. The problem is when people say yes to things when they mean no, they're not being true to themselves and that tears you up emotionally inside.
Bethanne Patrick: Now your next tip is, 'you are what you hate.' I love that, I love that it's something that you can take away and keep in your head, but is this just for men or is this for women too?
Evan Marc Katz: This entire book was written for women but could be read by men. And not because men don't need help but men generally don't read as many self-help books, so we didn't write one for them. But all of these concepts can apply to men. 'You are what you hate' really acknowledges women's equality, which is to say that women are just as likely to work 60 hours a week, they're just as likely to have a close bunch of friends that they hang out with all the time, they're just as likely to be commitment-phobic -- and these are a lot of the allegations that have been leveled against men over the years. You'd be surprised that you become a lot of what you don't like about men.
Evan Marc Katz: That's not exactly what we said in the book and it's not something that was really the point of it entirely, because they're not mutually exclusive. You could be a good girl at work and be a bad girl behind closed doors and nobody's going to know the difference.
Bethanne Patrick: You're right. That's not exactly the way it's stated in the book, although you did mention that -- but I think my point is that it wouldn't be fair for men to be all things.
Evan Marc Katz: All things at all times, exactly.
Bethanne Patrick: That's the whole thing because I think you and Linda, in writing this together, have given such a great dual perspective on it. The third thing that you talk about is 'The Power of No.' What do you mean by that?
Evan Marc Katz: 'The Power of No,' blatantly ripped off from 'The Power of Now,' is really just about being strong enough to walk away from a situation that's not working for you or just being able to say no in a day-to-day relationship. In a day-to-day relationship, we're sort of conditioned to be agreeable, which is a good thing -- you want to think of your partner. But if someone asks you to do something that you don't want to do, you have every right to say no and you'll be respected for it. You're not a doormat. When you get walked over in your own relationship you're going to build up a level of resentment because you're not being yourself.
Bethanne Patrick: 'The Power of No' is really about women valuing themselves, isn't it?
Evan Marc Katz: Exactly -- it is entirely about women valuing themselves and knowing that you can get what you want out of life as long as you're being reasonable and being true to yourself the entire time. The problem is when people say yes to things when they mean no, they're not being true to themselves and that tears you up emotionally inside.
Bethanne Patrick: Now your next tip is, 'you are what you hate.' I love that, I love that it's something that you can take away and keep in your head, but is this just for men or is this for women too?
Evan Marc Katz: This entire book was written for women but could be read by men. And not because men don't need help but men generally don't read as many self-help books, so we didn't write one for them. But all of these concepts can apply to men. 'You are what you hate' really acknowledges women's equality, which is to say that women are just as likely to work 60 hours a week, they're just as likely to have a close bunch of friends that they hang out with all the time, they're just as likely to be commitment-phobic -- and these are a lot of the allegations that have been leveled against men over the years. You'd be surprised that you become a lot of what you don't like about men.
