A Memo to Your Former Self

We've established that you'll need to rely on a Power stronger than wavering self-control to clean up your act for now. So what if that Power's simply your gut instinct? Though you've done a great job suppressing it on rough dates, your gurgling gut's encouraged you to read this far—so it can't be too misguided. Here's how it might compare the pros and cons of a typical night out with both Good and Bad Boys. It's located in your body's core, which basically makes your gut The Boss of You. No wonder it's sending you an official memo . . .

MEMO

TO: A Not-Yet-Lost Cause
FROM: Your Pushy Gut
RE: Dating Performance Evaluation

Alright, you addickt: I've had enough of your efforts to ignore my wise prodding and drown out my intuition with G&Ts. As your gut, it's my job to mold you into the best person you can be, and that includes weaning you off counterproductive Bad Boys. I'm up to your spleen in disgust.

Here's a quick review of how you act on Bad Boy dates, and what to expect from a future full of Nice Guys. Listen up and you can look forward to a raise—in the standards department, that is.

Bad Habits to Ditch	Good Habits to Hitch
He extends a last-minute dinner invite, and you accept even if you're already midslice.	He calls you by 4 p.m. to confirm a reservation and surprises you with tickets to a show.
You change your jeans three times. You swear he'll recognize them, even if your last date was a month ago.	You pull your skinny jeans from the hamper, and spray them with his favorite perfume.
You spend the hour he's late reapplying blush, so you look fresh when he arrives.	You spend the five minutes he's late applying Chapstick. He loves you without makeup.
You agree to extra parmesan because he loves it. Who cares if you're lactose intolerant?	He orders the salmon to share, because he read somewhere that all women need a healthy dose of vitamin E.
You tell yourself the waitress really is just a friend.	You believe the waitress really is just a friend.
You overlook the doorman's knowing glances and his roommate's ambiguous, "Hey . . . you!"	The doorman knows you by name, and your date owns his own apartment.
When he offers a postcoital cig, you'd rather tell him you quit smoking than admit you've never puffed at all.	He lobbies against secondhand smoke in his free time.
You miss a flight to spend one more hour in bed, and pray it's not $200 to change the ticket.	You miss a flight to spend one more hour in bed, because he pays to change your ticket.
You not-so-accidentally leave your thong on his floor to remember you by.	You accidentally leave your thong on his floor, and he returns it washed and ironed.
You call to make sure he's "okay" days later, though you both know he's blowing you off.	He calls you after your date to make sure you know how much fun he had.
You stopped telling friends about him ages ago, because you shouldn't be with him anyway.	You tell one friend about him, because you're angst-free and anything more is superfluous.