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Bethanne Patrick: And that can, as you say, be a hot button that leads to divorce discussions. Now let's move to money. What are the two or three top issues there?

Wendy Jaffe: One major issue is this issue with 'spenders' being married to 'savers.' A lot of people think it's really cute or fun when they're dating -- that they're cute because [the two of them] are so different when it comes to handing money. But the way we handle money is really entrenched in the way we grew up, oftentimes. It's a very, very hard thing to change. People have very strong feelings about what money should be spent on, how much should be spent on what … and when you have a spender and a saver in a marriage, it almost never works. Divorce lawyers see that all the time.

The other thing that people don't consider is major highs and lows in income. We always hear about lottery winners and what happens to their marriages: we always see in the news how they end up getting divorced a couple of years later. People who have major inheritances, people who lose jobs … any time there's a major fluctuation in the money status of a couple it really is difficult and it causes a lot of divorces.

Bethanne Patrick: I want to go back for one minute to the sex issue, although this question probably isn't actually about sex -- it may be more about control: Does infidelity always lead to divorce? How can couples overcome the aftermath of infidelity? I know that's an issue that many of our listeners want to know about.

Wendy Jaffe: It's very common and the good news -- it really doesn't necessarily lead to divorce. As a matter of fact, oftentimes you'd assume it's the person who was cheated on who would be filing for a divorce, right?

Bethanne Patrick: Right.

Wendy Jaffe: That is not the case. Oftentimes it's the cheater who goes in and files for a divorce, and the person who was cheated on wants to make things work. The important thing to realize with infidelity is that if you don't get to the root of why the infidelity happened in the first place, you'll never be able to move on in your marriage and get it fixed. There are couples who have gone on to have really fabulous marriages, but they did the hard work to figure out why the infidelity happened in the first place.

Let's be clear about one thing: I'm not talking about the one-night-stand -- and I'm not advocating this -- but we're not talking about the one night stand on a drunken business trip to Las Vegas. We're talking about infidelity where there's a full-on extramarital relationship. And those are the types of things that really derail marriages.

The thing to remember is that people do get beyond this and marriages are helped, but you really have to do the hard work that it takes.

Bethanne Patrick: Speaking of the hard work -- you're talking about sometimes when marriages do get derailed. With the information in the book about second marriages -- are they all doomed because people are going to repeat their first-marriage mistakes, or because raising a blended family is such a strain? What kinds of advice would you give to people about second marriages?

Wendy Jaffe: You really need to go into second marriages with your eyes open, realizing that:

1. One of the most difficult jobs on the planet is being a stepparent. Early family counseling really helps. What happens is often the people whose children are in the back and forth side of the relationship -- those people feel a lot of guilt over the divorce. Sometimes the way they try to make the divorce up to their children is to be a more lenient parent -- to be the nicer parent. That puts the stepparent in a really bad position. These are things that you really need to talk about with your spouse before you get married.

2. The other idea that you mentioned is the idea of people marrying the same person over and over again. I call it the 'Clone Syndrome' in my book. This is actually a really interesting part of my research. You'd assume that once you divorce somebody, you'd want the complete opposite person next time. You'd never make that mistake again. You're never going to marry a controlling person twice or an alcoholic twice, but in fact, that's what most people do. Most divorce lawyers that I interviewed suggested having post-divorce counseling. Even if you feel like you're fine with your divorce, even if you feel like you get along fine with your ex, it's really good to spend some time with a therapist, looking back at your marriage to try to understand what went wrong and what your role was in it, so that you can pick a different kind of person who might be better for you next time.

Bethanne Patrick: This is excellent Wendy. I know we're going to be speaking with you again. Wendy Jaffe is the author of 'The Divorce Lawyers' Guide to Staying Married.' Thanks so much for being with us today on AOL Coaches.

Wendy Jaffe: Thank you. It was a pleasure.

Bethanne Patrick: This is Bethanne Patrick for AOL Coaches.