'Turn Your Cablight On: Get Your Dream Man in 6 Months or Less'
By NANCY SLOTNICK
Chapter 6 - Guy Translation
"There’s a lotta things about me you don’t know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn’t understand. Things you couldn’t understand."
-- Pee-Wee Herman in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure
The biggest thing you need to know about men is that you should read their actions and not their words. Of course, it’s natural to want to hear things like "Oh, you’re the most beautiful woman in the world ... I’ve never met anyone like you ... You complete me ..." But how many guys really talk that way outside of a Cameron Crowe movie? They’re usually a lot more subtle than we’d like them to be. But that’s not to say you can’t read them.
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While a guy may not be saying he wants to spend every waking moment with you until the end of eternity, if he’s been consistent and reliable in asking you out, and has a very cute way of looking at you when you are on a date, these are pretty good signs. You may be tempted to ask what he’s thinking, to force him to share every single emotion. Don’t! Just relax and enjoy the moment. Often, he’s feeling the same feelings you are, but he doesn’t express them the same way. Even men who have been madly in love for fifty years aren’t as effusive as their wives might like. Instead, he’ll surprise her with an anniversary cruise, or pick up that bracelet she was eyeing, or he’ll just remember to take out the garbage each week because he knows it makes her happy.
Empty Words |
vs. |
Meaningful Action |
▪ He says he’s going to take you to Paris someday. |
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▪ He takes you out to a French bistro. |
▪ He says he wants you to bear his children. |
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▪ He brings you over to meet his sister and her kids. |
▪ He says you make him forget women. |
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▪ He stops dating other all other women. |
▪ He says he can’t stop thinking about you. |
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▪ He calls you. |
▪ He says all his friends would love you. |
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▪ He introduces you to his friends. |
▪ He says you mean more to him than anything. |
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▪ He skips his workout to go to your work event. |
▪ He says he can’t wait to see you. |
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▪ He plans a great date and shows up. |
The occasional man will talk a big game, saying you’re the most wonderful woman in the world and that he can’t wait to take you to Paris one day, but don’t believe the hype. Wait to see what kind of man he is first, in his phone calls and in his follow-through. This is not to say that guy’s lying when he says those things. But it’s often just as much a fantasy to him as it is to you. It’s not reality until he actually does it. Some of my clients will get very excited after a date with a guy, saying, "He said we should go to a Broadway show next time!" This is not a promise, I tell them. Until he actually calls and produces the tickets to said event, just consider it a thought, not a plan. He meant it at the time, but this does not necessarily have any bearing on what will happen. He was living in the moment, and, as frustrating as that realization might be to a woman, living in the moment is something we can embrace ourselves.
Excerpted from 'Turn Your Cablight On: Get Your Dream Man in 6 Months or Less' by Nancy Slotnick. Copyright© 2005 by Nancy Slotnick. Excerpted by permission of Gotham Books, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
