Is He Cheating? Clues to Uncover a Cheater's Heart
Everyone Cheats
Infidelity crops up among couples of every age, financial, demographic and ethnic group, says private investigator Julia Hartley Moore in her book 'Infidelity Sleuth.' While betrayed women often remain committed, the accompanying stress can take years off your life. Here are signs of infidelity.
A Cheating Checkup
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- Buy 'Infidelity Sleuth'
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- Secrets of Happy Couples
- Your Love Is Cheating If...
Something Different
One morning he may wear a shirt he doesn't normally wear to work and he'll say, "'Well it was the first thing I grabbed' or 'Everything else was in the wash-basket,'" explains Moore. While you might put that aside for the moment, that's the kind of change in behavior that starts someone thinking that there may be a problem.
Changes in Behavior
"All of the sudden, out of the blue, he decides, 'My God, I've got to lose weight. Look at the state of me. I'd better start going to the gym. Gee, I'll change my hairstyle. I might just change what I'm wearing.' And that'll be because he's met somebody. That, out of the blue, to a wife, is going to be like a neon sign going off."
Mobile Love
"The first thing someone will do when they're having an affair is their mobile phone becomes like a baby," explains Moore. "They'll constantly be checking it. And woe betide any wife who goes near it. If you do go near it, everything will be deleted." You'll also see a lot of calls, often to the girlfriend and then the wife.
Always Busy
Is there a certain day of the week you can't get ahold of him? Or is he busy with business meetings later in the evening on certain days? "More things will come up," notes Moore. Then you need to start checking if he's where he says he is.
The Money Trail
Someone who is cheating emotionally may also be cheating financially: "If they feel something's not right they need to get their hands on the bank statements, the credit card statements, the telephone accounts." Sometimes men buy properties to conduct affairs in or houses for the lover.
Is It Just Men?
Just as many women betray as men, but they don't get caught, notes Moore. "Women are much better liars and they have a plan. They're much craftier."
Should You Call a Detective?
While you may have a good idea that something is going on, surveillance will prove it. The suspicious spouse can try to do the spying, but will be much more worried about getting caught, says Moore. Using a private detective takes away some of the "stress and strain" of the hunt.
Can You Stop It?
You've got to do the groundwork before you get married, says Moore. Make clear what you will and won't accept. "I think you need to respect yourself to know, 'How many times does infidelity have to happen before it's too many times?' Really. Because once the trust is gone, to try to rebuild it is huge."
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