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The Pit of Despair

I wish I could say I woke up and came to my senses on my own. The truth is, I hit rock-bottom so hard it shook me to the core of my being. Never before or since have I experienced such pain, defeat, and despair.

I had to reach my lowest point, where I could do nothing but let go of my stubborn demands to be in charge of my life. On that day, I humbled myself before God and admitted that I could not fix this. I was out of options. I poured my heart out to God, asking for forgiveness and help. So terribly afraid of losing my husband, my boys, and my home, I promised that day that I would do anything to repair the damage I’d done and repay the debt I’d amassed.

Our journey back is a story for another place and time, but what I need to tell you is that we did make it—we paid the entire debt without filing for bankruptcy or asking for a single concession from our creditors. Our home did not go through foreclosure, our marriage survives to this day, and our boys are now financially responsible adults.

While it took thirteen years to completely repay our debt, the quality of our lives began to improve from the first day of the journey back. But it was a different kind of quality—authentic and rock solid.

I learned so much on that journey back to solvency. No doubt, things can improve the quality of our lives—but only to the extent that we own them and they do not own us. Material things satisfy physical needs. But it takes more than meeting physical needs to find satisfaction and experience true quality of life. We need contentment, joy, and peace of mind too.

Here’s what I want you to know and understand: reducing our spending was the catalyst that started the dramatic and permanent change in our lives. And that change was not limited to our finances. It was all-pervasive. Learning the power of living below our means gave us the life we love. It affected our relationship, our spiritual lives, our home life, our children’s lives, and now—your life.

May I Ask You a Question?

I have asked many people this question: What contributes to the quality of your life and brings you satisfaction? Typically I get a blank stare. If I wait long enough, I get a fairly predictable response in the form of a list.

Take a look at the following list of the responses I have received most often.

• All my bills paid

• Money in the bank

• Peace of mind

• Contentment

• Love

• A paid-for home

• A fast computer

• A fine leather handbag

• Good health

• A beautiful quilt

• My garden

• Spending time with kids

• A great meal (grandkids, spouse)

• Walking in the country

• Cell phone

• Good friends

• Pets

• A week in Yosemite

• A massage

• A week away anywhere

• Warm fire, cold night

• A good book

• Makeup

• Great clothes

• Helping others in need

• Knowing my purpose

• Freedom to do what I want

Not surprisingly, in all the times I have asked people what brings quality to their lives, no one has responded, “A closet full of clothes I never wear” or “A garage that is so packed with stuff there’s no room for a car.” No one has mentioned the forty-eight remaining payments on the pair of Jet Skis.

As you read through that list, did you see anything you would place on your list? Would your list fall in line with the one above or would yours be completely different? What would you add or subtract? There are no right or wrong answers. But I can assure you that making such a list for yourself will be enlightening.

What contributes to the quality of your life? Now take a minute and narrow that to the top ten things that define your quality of life.

Would a boatload of money help?

If you’re holding out for the life you love to magically appear once a boatload of money gets dumped into your life, don’t count on it. You may believe in your heart that winning the lotto or getting an unexpected inheritance one day will make your life perfect. Perhaps you’re convinced that getting in on the ground floor of the latest and greatest multilevel marketing opportunity will make you rich overnight. That won’t happen.

If you can figure a way to get that kind of money, good for you. But if you think money alone—and plenty of it—will give you the life you love, forget it. Money alone, no matter how much of it flows through your life, will not automatically materialize into the life you love.

Either you are living the life you love or you aren’t. If you are, you may be fearful that reducing your spending or not relying on credit to get by will force you to live a life you hate. That’s a real fear, one with which I can identify. After all, if you’ve never consciously worked at living below your means, the fear of becoming a penny-pinching miser may give you the creeps.

Or if you aren’t happy with your life, you may be dreaming about what it would be like to really love your life. You know it’s out there, you can imagine what it will be like, but it is forever out of reach. No matter how hard you try or how fast you go, you cannot quite grab onto it. You believe that what stands between you and the life you love is more money. That is probably not the case at all.

Whether you fear losing the life you love or only dream of living it, here’s the bottom line: You need to learn how to live on 80 percent of your income. You have to cap your spending at 80 percent of the money you bring home, no matter what. Make it a habit as fundamental as stopping for red lights. Realize once and for all that if you can’t pay for it today from the money you have, then you can’t afford it.