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The Twelve Reasons You Shop
(Besides Want and Need)

Let's leave need out of it. There are things that you need -- no doubt about it. There are other things that you think about wanting, make a decision to buy, and then go out and purchase. That is not the sort of shopping we are talking about here. We are talking about unconscious shopping -- the sort of shopping that can get you into trouble if you do too much of it. New research shows that more of us participate in this sort of shopping than we previously thought.

You've probably heard the term compulsive shopping. It's the name of a psychological disorder that affects between 2 and 5 percent of the population. People who shop compulsively need help, and later in this chapter I tell you where to find it. But there is a much bigger slice of the population -- 15 to 18 percent, according to researchers at the University of Richmond -- that shops "excessively." Like compulsive shoppers, people who shop excessively spend more than they would like to spend and buy more than is good for their financial well-being, but they do it less often. Even more than that 15 to 18 percent engage in occasional "retail therapy."

Knowing what prompts you to shop can help you channel your energies into more productive pursuits. So . . . why do you shop?

1. Because you're feeling blue

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've heard shopping referred to as "retail therapy." The academic term is compensatory consumption, and it's not just cute terminology. There's real science to back it up. Psychiatrists and psychologists (thus the "therapy" part) have shown that shopping causes a rush of dopamine to the brain. Dopamine is, essentially, happiness juice. It's what flows when you fall in love (or when you get high on cocaine).

Shopping can also get the endorphins going, just as exercise does. In other words, the act of shopping actually makes people feel better. That's why you may default to it when you're down.

2. Because you want to feel powerful

Taking money or a credit card and using it to buy something that you want is an exercise in superiority. As long as you have that cash or plastic in your hand, you are in control. Whatever it is you want to make happen, you can.

And the salespeople working the counters (at least in stores that put a premium on service) will bend over backward to help you. In very few other life experiences are you so clearly in the driver's seat.

3. Because you want to be someone else

People shop to fill the gap between who they are and who they want to be. The fantasy is that if you buy the big black sunglasses, the cute little shift dress, and the triple strand of pearls, you will be as chic and classy and desirable as Jackie Kennedy. Other times, a purchase is not associated with a particular individual. You think, if I buy those fabulous boot-cut jeans that all the 29-year-olds are wearing, I will look (and feel) 29 again. In other words, you believe -- for any number of reasons -- that a purchase will make your life significantly better.

4. Because you just don't want to be you

Sometimes you have no huge desire to be someone else. Instead, you want to escape your own reality. You need to get outside yourself and how imperfect you feel your life has become. And a trip to the mall -- a little easier to attain than a trip to, say, Bali -- does the trick.

5. Because you deserve it

Whether you work outside the home or in it, you are working harder than ever these days. You're stressed and tired, and sometimes you feel that you deserve some gorgeous thing just because you're you. Or maybe you accomplished something important. You made it through a week without a cigarette or blasted the competition in this month's sales tallies. Of course, you deserve a reward -- and you're just the person to give it to you. Academics call this behavior self-gifting. And they say that when we are buying something for ourselves in this fashion, we tend to spend a little more than we would spend if we were merely "shopping." That's precisely what the whole right-hand ring campaign from the diamond industry is playing into. It says: It doesn't matter if you're single, divorced, widowed, or married.

It doesn't matter if you're 29 or 59. You deserve a beautiful piece of fabulous jewelry just because. (And of course millions of American women agreed, helping the diamond industry to move millions of dollars' worth in stones that were so small there was really nothing else to do with them. Brilliant!)

6. Because you'd rather shop than go to the movies

For women, shopping offers a day out with the girls. Getting the full experience means coming home with a purchase. This time, though, making that purchase is about more than getting the goods. It's about bonding. Finding a deal with a friend, trying things on and getting each other's opinion, buying the same thing in a different color -- all of those are social experiences. When your friend comes to your house and sees the rug or sconces she helped you pick out, you both can feel good about being a helpful presence in each other's lives.

7. Because no one -- and I mean no one -- can tell you what to do

After a fight with a spouse or a partner or parent, have you ever hit the stores? If so, you are retaliating (in a passive aggressive way) by sending this person the message: Look, you can't tell me what to do. I am spending our money (in the case of a spouse) or your money (in the case of a parent who's given you access to a credit card), and you can't stop me. This tactic is easier than confronting the person face-to-face and explaining how you really feel. But the ramifications may be much longer lasting.

8. Because you need a friend (or at the very least, a compliment)

Shopping can make you feel catered to and special. The rest of the world may hate you. Your kids may be moody. Your spouse may have a migraine. And your boss may be blowing smoke from his ears. But you can count on the folks at the mall to smile and say "Thank you" when you hand them your credit card.

Before you object, pointing out that of course they're nice to you, that's what they're paid to be, let me say that on certain days you'll take a smile, a kind glance, a "honey" or a " dear" from anyone who's willing to give it to you. If that person happens to be on commission, you really don't care. Sometimes, if you're a regular at certain stores, the relationship goes deeper. You seek a particular salesperson out. You solicit her opinion. It's a one-sided, low-risk relationship with someone who's always happy to see you, whose job it is to acknowledge and stroke you and make you feel good about yourself and your choices. It can be very self-affirming. But it can also get very expensive.