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Q: How does that translate to the workplace?

A: Gray discrimination does exist. Many of the professional women I interviewed spoke about how they felt they needed to dye their hair to be viable in the workplace -- either to get a new job, not to be passed over for promotions or to seem competitive in terms of pay or relevancy. It was really a front-of-mind issue. Female headhunters verified that for me. None had a single female client or job candidate with gray hair. And they themselves dyed their hair! I also looked at the Fortune 500 top women. Just 3 percent had visibly gray hair. None of our female senators have gray hair. Seven congresswomen out of 70 have gray hair. Today it seems as if the most provocatively political statement a woman can make with her hair is to let it be naturally gray.

Q: Going gray is also an intensely private thing.

A: Most women have an age where she thinks she looked her best. It might be 16 or 25, for others maybe 35. We want to preserve that image of ourselves at that age. We feel that's who we are and can't really acclimate to the vision in the mirror. Based on the hair color and haircut, hairdressers can guess that age with real precision. Once I decided to look my age, I spoke with as many people as I could. There are several women in my book club who have fantastic white hair. I asked for their advice and they told me, "We were never happier than the day we quit dyeing our hair." I talked to other friends for inspiration and encouragement, and then I decided to tell the family. Kurt, my husband, was like, "Sure, whatever" -- one of the hundred shades I've had since I've been with him. My older daughter, who's dyed her hair pink and blue at different stages, was also game. But my then-eighth-grader said, "I don't want an old mother." And I realized none of the other mothers in her school had gray hair. I was going to look different. When you're 13, anything that is going to stand out of the crowd is not welcome.

Q: Did you make any other changes at the same time you decided to embrace your gray?

A: So often people make the mistake of thinking that if they change one thing, they don't have to change anything else. What was really cool for me was that not dyeing my hair was an entry to other points of self-discovery. For example, I realized that I had gained weight. It was time to pay a little attention my body and get that under control.

Q: So it's all about growing up, not growing older?

A: Our daughters are now 17 and 19. As a mother I want to instill a sense that they are beautiful, they're great and they don't need to freak about external stuff. Their seeing me do this allows us to have conversations that are about a different order of magnitude. We do have different seasons in our lives.

Q: Did you ever want to go back?

A: Listen, nobody ever told me to my face that my hair looked particularly bad when I dyed it. And no one has told me that now that I'm gray. However, I can say that I feel altogether better and livelier. I actually feel far more unique. I only wish growing it out had gone more quickly! The transition took getting used to. Now it's a great color. Not the white I wanted it to be, like Halle Berry in 'X-Men.' More like salt and pepper. Everybody's shade of gray is different.

Q: Are you naturally fearless person?

A: I'm terrified of flying and of heights. I worry about my children driving. I'm just as fearful as most people. But certain things, I figure what the heck, just give it a go.

Q: Do you feel more respected?

A: I've had lots of women come up to me and say, "I wish I had the courage to do that," or "I'd do that if I had good hair." Which are all ways of saying they are slightly sort of scared to think about it. Because of every hair type, every skin type, every body type can have gray hair. It is what we were meant to have.

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