Continued from Page 1

I started to work on each one of those areas and breaking down the negative cycles; the dangerous language that I was speaking that was making me feel worthless, hopeless and scared. I started to replace it with more positive language and a belief system that supported that. It wasn't just a quick fix or a quick change; I really had to go to the root of some of my problems and unearth them and decide to change them.

Also, I had to define myself as the person that I am: What kind of friend am I? What kind of lover? What kind of role model am I out in the world? Those are important roles that I play and important elements of myself. Am I a good listener? Am I of service to the world? How am I using my life everyday? I started to look at life as a gift and not... I am a former dieter so I had the diet mentality that life began on Monday.

Bethanne Patrick: The things you are talking about: changing language, changing thoughts; these are things that mothers and teachers can use to help young girls and women develop healthy self-images. What are some of your tips for doing that with younger women?

Jessica Weiner: For every parent out there, every coach, every mentor, you've got to remember the number one rule is -- you have to 'walk your talk.' You have to model the behavior you wish to see in your children or your students. You have to be able to emulate what you are talking about, because that adds credibility. So many times I would hear, for instance, my mother say, 'It is not what matters on the outside. It matters what's on the inside.' Then I would look at her and she hated who she was on the inside.

Bethanne Patrick: And on the outside, maybe.

Jessica Weiner: On the outside too. I'm thinking, 'Well, wait a minute, if she is behaving like that, then why should I be any different.' So we really need to 'walk our talk.' Beyond that, we need to listen to girls differently than we have been. It is not okay anymore that little girls think they're fat. Little girls are scared of being fat. That needs to be something that we don't necessarily accept on the surface, because there are girls out there and boys out there now who are so obsessed with their bodies at young, young ages. I am working with families who have 4 and 5-year-olds who want to go on a diet. That is learned behavior; that is a control issue. Those are situations where we have to listen to the language that our kids are speaking and really challenge them when they say, 'I'm so ugly' or 'I'm so fat' or 'I'm disgusting.' We shouldn't throw away those moments. We should use them as an opportunity to open up more conversation.

Bethanne Patrick: That's very interesting about children as young as 4 or 5 because I just read an article in the Washington Post by Nora Ephron, who of course is writing comic essays about her appearance, but is stating in the media that she has been on a diet since she was 8 years old.

Jessica Weiner: I'm not surprised by that at all. I started my first diet when I was 11. And I started my first diet when I became my mom's diet buddy. I don't think my mom had any idea at the time what kind of impact that would have. She was just a women doing her thing, which was being a constant dieter. When I came to the age of puberty and I started to fill out a little bit -- even though I didn't need to go on a diet -- I did it because that's was what my mom was doing. I just worked with a family who has two 4½-year-old twin girls, and they found the girls walking on a treadmill. When the mom came in and said, 'You guys, what are you doing?' They said, 'Mom, we have to work off our fat butts.'

Bethanne Patrick: That is so sad to hear. What goes along with that is telling youngsters that it is not dieting that works; that it's living healthily that works.

Jessica Weiner: Yeah. We have to redefine what health is. I think every family has to define it for themselves, because every family is genetically different. Some of us are predetermined in our families to have cancer or heart disease or diabetes. I think as parents we need to know our family histories. We need to define what is healthy in our family, and not focus only on a number on a scale.

What is your quality of life? Are you spending time taking walks? And when you are doing that, is it for exercise why you are really beating yourself up? Or is it to celebrate the fact that you've got a healthy body that can move out in the world? I think there is a way to frame it for kids and for families, where being healthy isn't a bad thing and it isn't a punishing thing; it's a celebration. I think if we started to redefine health, we would have a whole new relationship with our body image.

Bethanne Patrick: Jess, what is the target age for your new book?

Jessica Weiner: I think it is an ideal book to start reading when you're in junior high school and up. I certainly have had girls who've read it when they were younger -- 9 or 10 years old -- but they've read it with their parents or with their mom, because there are great tools and tips and exercise that parents and kids can do together in that book. But I really think this book is geared to more of the mature reader -- the teenage reader and an adult woman reader who is ready to redefine her life and their thoughts around her body.

Bethanne Patrick: Jessica Weiner is the author of 'A Very Hungry Girl' and the new book 'Do I Look Fat in This?: Life Doesn't Begin Five Pounds From Now' and her web site is www.withjess.com