F-A-T

Who would have ever thought that three little letters could cause such fear, anxiety, and pain in someone's life?

I don't know one person who is not affected by those three letters. I don't know one woman who has never had a thought about how much she weighs or whether she is, or is getting, fat. Unless you're from a faraway planet called Self- Love, you grew up in a world where women are still valued, honored, rewarded, validated, and appreciated based on the size and shape of their bodies.

You can have the best parents, the most prestigious education, the most loving partners, the greatest friends, and you, my love, will still be susceptible to equating your worth as a woman to your dress size. And this isn't a new realization. We have always loved and hated women based on their beauty and their physical stature, and we have always loved and hated ourselves based on how easily (or not) we have lived up to these standards of womanhood.

Waiting to Be Skinny

I recently met a brilliant young woman at an Ivy League conference on women's issues. She had just graduated magna cum laude from her school, but she confided that she couldn't remember a damn day of her college experience. "Why?" I asked, utterly shocked at this statement. "Because," she said, "I have been waiting till I was skinny to enjoy my life. And it hasn't happened yet, so while I just finished my education at one of the country's most prestigious schools, I can't remember anything about it because I was too busy dieting, hating my body, and waiting to be skinny."

Are you waiting to be skinnier, thinner, more toned, more tanned, better dressed, more lovable, sexier, nicer, smarter, funnier, or wealthier before you really begin your life? Millions of us are. And it's a complete waste of time. Body obsession and the quest for perfection are destroying our lives, and we are willing partners in this destruction.

F-A-T = Feelings. Action. Thoughts.

That is how I've translated the word "fat." Feelings, action, thoughts. It reminds me that we are just speaking two different languages. The Language of Fat is the overall title for a general sense of uneasiness and dissatisfaction in our lives. We are not fulfilled in our jobs, relationships, friendships, or self-esteem, so we focus on the external -- because that seems more within our realm of control and influence. We have to think about what's going on inside, too.

Take This Quiz

• How many times today have you thought about what you ate or want to eat?
• How many times have you used the word "fat" in a sentence?
• How many times have you thought about the word "fat," whether about yourself or someone else?
• How many times today have you dreamed of a life that would happen five pounds from now? (When you finally get thin. Or when you get a new husband or boyfriend. Or when you have the perfect job. Perfect friends. Perfect family.)
• How many times today did you let the Language of Fat seep into your experience?

Odds are that if you were able to answer any of the questions above, you are speaking the Language of Fat and may not even know it.

The Language of Fat

Your health, wealth, family, relationships, and career are all affected by the Language of Fat and how you speak about your body. It seeps into other areas of your life because body image is about your self-image and about how you imagine your life should be. The Language of Fat is about more than the word "fat." It is about more than just the fear of becoming fat. It is the nagging, brutal voice in your head that says your life isn't worth living until you look a certain way.

Remember, your life is worth more than the number of calories you eat during the day. Or the number of times you run around the track. You should design the life you desire. And before you can do that, you have to look at what's been holding you back, informing your decisions and opinions.

No one is immune to the power of this language. And it will take a collective effort from people willing to take action in their everyday lives to shift this language, to decode it, deconstruct it, and put a new language in its place. That's what we'll try to do together in this book.

Excerpted from 'Do I Look Fat In This?' by Jessica Weiner. Copyright© 2006 by Jessica Weiner. Excerpted by permission of Simon Spotlight Entertainment, a division of Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.